For the majority of my life I sought acceptance, validation, and approval from extrinsic (outside) sources. I believe this led to much disappointment and at times treatment from others that was not okay. Case in point, William Seamus McDonald aka William Francis Connearney aka Bill. I took to heart every evil nasty thing he said to me over the years. When you are told enough that you don't measure up...Believe me, you start to live it. Eventually you accept abusive behavior as something that you deserve. I am so proud of the woman I have become! The woman I am today requires no outside approval, acceptance, or validation! It 100% comes from within! I wish I had adequate words to describe the peace, empowerment, happiness that is a solid part of me 24/7. I am no longer a doormat. I easily shut down and walk away from abusive and hurtful words. If I could bottle this and give it away, I would in a heartbeat. To confidently know to the depths of my soul that I will never be treated poorly by anyone again in my lifetime, that I only require my own validation is the most liberating feeling imaginable. For the rest of my life, I will speak up for myself, I will draw firm boundaries, I will accept nothing less than to be treated in the manner I deserve. If someone can't respect that, they will be in my rear view. I no longer weigh my value based on others. I am free. Till next time, hugs to you and be good to yourself. xo
I just came across this blog just searching about narcissistic behaviors. I've been married 24 years and with my husband for almost 30 yrs. I have put up with name calling, hatred remarks,silent treatments and all sorts of verbal abuse. I know by far I am not perfect. I feel defensive when he says the things he says. I should not have to defend myself or my feelings and bring fuel into an already let fire. I've made my share of mistakes and so has he, the difference is I forgive and move forward he does not. I'm still in this relationship trying to figure out why I've stayed. He's a good Father to my children, one is now grown and the other has 2 years left of high school. They are tired of this up and down life cycle as well and just don't know why we are still married. This blog looks so interesting. I would like to read some older posts but it seems I have to use the arrows to go back when I click on older posts. Is there a link that allows me to pull up dates so I can read history? I'll be reading these blogs as the few that I read sounds like my life though I'm still in it.
ReplyDeleteThank you for contacting me. My first posting was 2/13/13 I will check immediately on whether there is an add on for searching by date. God bless you and your children. It is a long time to live with an emotional vampire. I know the feeling well that you describe. It took me a long time to reach my point of "life is too short and I'm tired of this" I hope my story helps in some way. I've been narc free since 9/15/11 (separation) and 1/4/13 (divorce was final) I can 100% say I would not trade the happiness and peace that is my life now for anything. Life is too short and I wasted enough of it on him already. Peace
ReplyDeleteIt's been a pleasure of following you. I just realized you have a blog. This one you did I can relate to. I'm glad to see how you have grown and how strong you've become. Much ❤️.
ReplyDeleteStomping My Furry Paws. 🐾🐾