"SUCCESSFUL SPRING"

Yesterday was the last day of a successful semester. I feel like I'm on top of the world! My life is truly on the right path and I am moving at long last in the direction I should be. Out of the challenges and trials of the past few years since my separation and divorce a Phoenix has been born! I am so blessed! I have added "Phoenix" to my name on social media because it truly fits. I'm even thinking of having one tattooed on the back of my shoulder. I walked through the fires of hell that William Francis Connearney aka William Seamus McDonald lit around me and I rose from the flames and ashes of my old life. I am stronger, more confident and it is empowering! Out of 25 years of hell, I have truly gained so much! The greatest thing has been my return to school. Fulfilling my life long dream of becoming a writer feels so awesome! Thanks to my survival, I have my genre and tons of material. Writing self help/motivational books for women is what I'm meant to do! For a long time after Bill tried to kill me, I couldn't believe that I actually survived. I asked myself, how? Why? I am finally 100% sure I now have the answer. God gave me a gift and I now know to the depths of my soul what he meant for me to do with that gift. Earning my degree, fine tuning that talent feels so right. Thank you God for all you have given and shown me! I am so blessed! Till next time, love and respect yourself. Peace :)

"I MAY NOT BE PERFECT"

Half way down the blog on the side there is a yellow card. "I may not be perfect but, at least I'm not fake!" I embrace that saying and I live it! I own my mistakes and my failures. They made me who I am. I've been accused of being too honest by my son. That's something I take as a compliment. When you say what you mean and mean what you say, it's liberating. For too many years I didn't have the confidence to speak up for myself. I suppressed a lot of feelings. I only hurt myself. These days, I speak my mind and I don't care who likes it or not. I lose no sleep at night. Giving yourself childish nicknames, lying about yourself on dating sites, covering up your past with a name change, etc...What does that bring you in the end? Nothing real or long lasting. I am so ready to meet someone and build a relationship. Unlike other people, I am honest to a fault. Because I believe someone who can't or won't accept the whole honest package of me doesn't deserve even a sampling of the woman that I am. Strong, honest, loving, beautiful, loyal, respectful, fun, positive, and REAL! Until next time, take care of and love yourself!

Edit 5/14/16** You have no kids Bill! Remember? Your secret vasectomy took care of that. Stop claiming MY son! You think MY son is going to back you up when your girlfriend wants to meet him and his family? MY son! MY granddaughters! You lost all rights in the divorce! You were a stepfather. It's over now! Go to "church" and pray about it! Hahaha You've found religion?! That's rich! How often did I hear you put religion down over the years? "Religion is a fairytale for weak minded people" Too much to count accurately! Suddenly you've had an epiphany?! Fraud!

"I SAW YOU TODAY"

I happened to see Bill today. It was something I could have lived without. Following is the internal conversation between my head and my heart.
Heart: OMG there's Bill!
Head: So what? Yesterday's leftovers.
Heart: He's wearing a blue shirt. Remember what that does to his eyes?
Head: Yes, so? Remember the black heart within?
Heart: Being with him was predictable and familiar.
Head: Yes predictably boring, depressing, and hurtful.
Heart: I miss intimacy
Head: I don't miss or need superficial intimacy.
Heart: It's been a long time since someone has held me.
Head: I now know that he's a horrible lover. 10 minutes of no big deal. I have knowledge and experience that I didn't have before.
Heart: I'm tired of being patient. I want to open my heart to someone special. I want to build something new.
Head: Be patient. You walked down that broken road long enough. Don't think about that dead end. A worthy man is out
there. Never, ever settle! William Francis Connearney aka William Seamus McDonald didn't deserve me when he had me. He still is unworthy. He hasn't changed, I have. I'm worth so much more than he will ever be! Give it time!

**EDIT 5/8/16** Since my separation and divorce I have done a lot of work on the inner me. Going back to school and working towards my degree is a huge step in self empowerment. I have truly grown and found a me within the mix that I never dreamed existed. I'm at peace. I'm stronger and happier than I ever gave myself credit for. I also look for the positive in life these days. During my marriage, I was the polar opposite. However, I was married for 25 years. My head 100% knows I'm in a better place. Old habits (long-term marriages) are like a worn pair of shoes. Comfortable but, not always the best choice. My heart apparently still has that lingering habit. I continue to work on completely breaking it. The important thing is my head is in a good place and as long as I reason with logic instead of emotion, I'll be okay