"MERRY CHRISTMAS WILLIAM SEAMUS MCDONALD"

For myself, this has been a wonderful holiday season! I've got a brand new car and job. I'll be back in school soon. My future once again is hopeful, and belongs to me alone. I've healed, persevered, and survived the vile, evil things you brought to my life. I've overcome every nasty, ugly step you threw at me. Through it all I've grown, healed, discovered things about myself that are truly priceless! I'm sure you are the same old, same old. I'm so sorry for you. I hope you are content with all you wished for in life. All the damage that you wrought. May life deliver more than you wished, dreamed, yearned after. May you have all that you so rightfully deserve. Happy New Year! I survived and thrived! I already have received more than I could have ever imagined! I am so grateful and so blessed! xoxoxoxo

"THANKSGIVING AND THANKFULNESS"

I believe very strongly that Thanksgiving and thankfulness go together. It's important to be grateful for our blessings. This year was the first time since 2009 that I sincerely felt that holiday spirit. I am so blessed and so grateful for where my life is today. I went to pick up my brand new car on Black Friday. My brand new car that I obtained ON MY OWN! I smiled the whole way home. Saturday I started driving for Uber. This week I'll be taking my assessment tests. The semester starts in February. During my marriage and separation, William Seamus McDonald tried his best to crush and destroy me. He FAILED! I did slip downhill for a time. It was a struggle at times however, I can see the light! From the depths of despair to triumph! I quit smoking. I have a brand new car and job. I'm going back to school! LIFE IS AWESOME! My future is mine again! I have survived! I am so thankful!

"IF ANYONE READING IS LIVING THIS LIFE"

Hello you. Yes, you reading this blog. I so desperately wish I could talk personally with each and every one of you. Is this your reality? Even bits and pieces? Narcissism can be and most likely is on a spectrum. Maybe all I've experienced, hasn't touched you. Or, maybe you're living with something more severe? You all matter to me. No one should have to live with abuse. We all deserve better. When I started this blog it was about healing. Taking my voice back. The Narcissist plays the perfect victim and Bill was no exception. Throughout the 2 years of our separation, he played it so well, he convinced the court to his side for awhile. Convinced the judge that I was the problem. Thank goodness in my case the truth came out in the end. Bill made 2 major mistakes. One, he got caught in 3 major lies to the judge. Two, we didn't have lawyers, so during our divorce trial, I was allowed to question him on the stand. Although he tried and tried to avoid answering my questions, after 20-25 minutes he had no choice and the truth came out. His fraud was exposed once and for all and I was granted lifetime spousal support. Of course in true Narcissistic form, "I'm a blood sucking leech." He'll never, ever admit to his lies and his role in that final judgement. That's not how they roll. A narcissist never accepts responsibility for their bad choices and bad behavior. That's okay. In the end, for me, it was about vindication in a court of law. I had moved past the need of validation or acceptance from him. I want to say something from the bottom of my heart to each and every reader, You are worthy, lovable, and you deserve respect. Leaving an abusive situation may seem scary, unthinkable, you may be afraid of being alone. You may have doubts regarding your abilities, etc... Please believe me, I had all those same doubts. I will not lie and say it was easy. Truth is, it was a bitch! There were days that were filled with sadness, doubt, and urges to just give up. However, somehow someway, I kept pushing on! I HAVE SURVIVED! I am strong! It took me 48 years to finally realize that about myself! Life has thrown it's best yet, I have survived it all. I am so happy, proud, and at peace. I AM WORTHY! I WILL NEVER ACCEPT LESS THAN I DESERVE AGAIN! I would like to invite anyone (female) interested to my community on Google+ "Finding The Happy Ever After" A safe, supportive, respectful community for females living with, leaving, or recovering from toxicity. Thank you for reading. God bless you all. I wish you peace! You deserve it.❤️❤️

"HAPPY 51ST BIRTHDAY WILLIAM SEAMUS MCDONALD formally known as WILLIAM FRANCIS CONNEARNEY"

Well 4 birthdays now that we've spent alone. No big deal! Lord knows, that even though mine is only 6 days after you, not once did you ever remember mine! Anyways, I'd like to take this occasion to thank you. Four years ago on 9/15/2011 when we split for the final time, I thought my life was over. I'd lost Ahmi my heart and soul and you. I thought I'd hit the bottom. Little did I know, you were just getting started. Trying to kill me in May of 2011 was just the beginning for you. Starting that September and continuing throughout the 2 years of our separation, you gave it your all in trying to destroy me. You pulled out every filthy thing you could trying to crush me! As I look back on the last 4 years, I'm proud, grateful, and so blessed! Despite your greatest efforts, I've survived, thrived, regained who I once was! Alone I walked through the fires of your hell AND CAME OUT STRONG! I survived abuse, lies, loneliness, anger, fear, pain, devastating sorrow, devaluation and hatred. I emerged a strong, loving, and compassionate survivor! That feeling is PRICELESS! I'm sure that you are exactly as you were. As you'll always be. How sad is that? Thank you for the gifts you've given me. Because you trying your best to destroy me...Turned out to be the greatest gift you ever gave me! Happy Birthday William Seamus McDonald formally William Francis Connearney!

"VALIDATION"

Well the 4th of last month was the 2nd anniversary of the divorce. March 15th marks 3.5 years since our final split. The paper of fraud expired last Thursday. At long last, that lie is off me! All the times Bill Connearney told ME I was evil?! I now know that was the Narcissist projecting his own self onto me! When we first split it was very tough. I was obsessed with the need of hearing him finally taking responsibility and apologizing for the evil things he’d done. I fantasized that he’d come to me, admit how wrong he’d been, apologize and I’d tell him to go straight to hell. One day my therepist asked me, “what do you need in order to close the door and move on?” I had my standard answer, I needed Bill to own his responsibility and apologize. Then that wise man would ask, “what if that never happens, then what? How can Lynn be okay?”

It took a little more work yet, eventually I was able to let it go. All those years of his evil words, my self doubt and guilt, gone. I finally realized that all of the put downs, manipulations, selfishness, minimizing, those are the traits of the Narcissist! That is the core of who Bill Connearney is.That’s who HE is. Honestly, I can yell, I'm very passionate. Especially when I feel attacked or when I feel ignored, not heard. However, when I’m validated, heard, and respected, that trait is non existent. So many years of thinking I was communicating wrong. I thought there was something wrong with me. That if I could just find the right words, he’d finally listen, hear me, and understand. There would be no more built up stress and anger inside of me. I finally came to understand that was total bullshit! Narcissists know how to play the game of projection, manipulation, and victim!

I finally was able to accept that it NEVER mattered! Because he NEVER cared! I NEVER had a chance. I’ve learned since those days, I have great communication skills. I know how to listen and hear others! Narcissists could care less what you have to say because in their eyes, your wants, needs, and feelings mean nothing to them. Back in the early years of our marriage, he’d get upset and blow up about something. He wouldn’t talk to me for 2-4 days. I didn’t realize back then that’s passive aggressive behavior and it’s abusive. It was horrible walking around on eggshells. Many times I’d take Chris and go spend the night at a friends. The quiet was unbearably lonely. I fled that silence many times. Then he’d get over whatever his issue was and finally speak to me. However, one stipulation, there was no discussion, If I tried to discuss my thoughts, feelings, point of view, he shut me down. “I’m over that, forget about it I have.” 20+ years of no validation, respect, empathy, etc... No wonder my closet finally exploded and I turned into a raging bitch!

These days I know how to set firm boundaries. No one tells me my feelings are wrong. No one calls me filthy names or tries to brainwash me. No one puts their hands on me in anger. I don’t need anyone’s validation. I’m worthy, smart, honest, loyal, and I will accept nothing but, the same in return. Life isn’t always easy. sometimes it’s a freaking bitch, I’m so much better than I was. NEVER again will I be a doormat! GUESS WHAT BILL CONNEARNEY? YOU WERE WRONG! IT WASN’T ME, IT WAS YOU! I NO LONGER NEED YOU TO VALIDATE THAT. I KNOW IT’S TRUE. I’M GOOD WITH THAT! Stay healthy and well. I may love again, I will NEVER remarry! You did so many evil things to me. Trying your best to crush me. Even tried to kill me. I survived! I’ll NEVER let you off the hook! Pay back can be a bitch! Take that to your grave! It’s payback for all the evil, underhanded tricks and lies that you threw at me from Sept 2011 until Aug of 2013. How’s it working for you? I know every payday you get a little knife twist in your gut. Good! You reap what you sow baby!