"THINK WITH OUR HEADS NOT OUR HEARTS"

I believe I have always had a tendency to think with my emotions and my heart. These days, after a lot of personal experience and growth, I think with my head and logic. Occasionally when my heart tries to mourn what should have been, my head and logic keeps me grounded in reality. I know 100% that William Seamus McDonald will never ever change. I've seen proof of that on his dating profile. Reading it brought an instant reaction of pity and gratitude. Pity that he has learned nothing. Full of lies. It is the same old, same old. Gratitude that I not only escaped but, have grown and changed. As women in toxic relationships we may think/hope that we can change things. That we can fix what's wrong. Thoughts along these lines will only hurt us and hold us back. We can't fix broken or someone who doesn't want or desire change. We have absolutely no control over anyone but, ourselves! There is hope for ourselves! All it requires is strength, courage, and determination. The very first step is under our control. We must decide once and for all that, there is no reset button. Every one deserves to be valued and loved. Lately I've been thinking I'm ready to meet someone. I've also realized this time there are specific personality traits required. If I don't meet the right person, I won't settle!

"CELEBRATE"

When you find the strength and courage to make a change in your life overall, CELEBRATE! Throughout the road of healing ahead of you there is so much that you can and should.

Celebrate:
Recovering your true self.
Not being disrespected, devalued, and demeaned.
Rediscovering the happiness and positive in life again.
Living without abuse.
Being happy and at peace.
Finding your voice again.

Remember, life goes by in the blink of an eye. There is no reset button. We owe it to ourselves to get the most and the best out of it because we can't mulligan it. We deserve in return all that we give in this life. If you're in a relationship where you give and give and give some more and get nothing in return...Odds are, it's not where you should be! We all deserve respect, love, commitment, honesty, and happiness. Love yourselves enough to know that 100% Till next time, Health, Love, and Happiness! :)

"EMOTIONAL VAMPIRES"

Narcissists are in my opinion, the equivalent of emotional vampires. Stay with one long enough and they suck your emotional soul from you! Putting their needs and wants ahead of your own, bending over backwards to prevent the sword in their mouths from cutting you down with the verbal garbage they spew so well. Over time you start to believe their mental brainwashing. That you're not good enough. That it's always your fault. The anxiety and depression overwhelms you. You become a shattered soul. Maybe as in my case you become a raging bitch. Which only reinforces the screwed up messages they've painstakingly been laying down. You may begin to question your sanity. By the end of our marriage, I totally believed William Seamus McDonald aka William Francis Connearney's bullshit. I actually was convinced "I was a wretched bitch, that it all was my fault, that I was unlovable, etc..." Therapy was my savior! When you leave one of these emotional vampire's, it's so important to seek help from a therapist. The truth was, I did have issues within myself to work through. After all, would a healthy human being put up with abusive garbage for 25 years? NO! Because of therapy I realized, not only did I metaphorically marry my mother attempting to work out long ago issues from childhood, Bill was just as much to blame in the destruction of our marriage.

I truly was able to learn and believe that Bill was full of shit! It takes 2 to screw up a relationship! He was a TERRIBLE partner! Even though he will never admit it, it's enough that I now know it. That I no longer carry that shame and guilt. No matter what you say, no matter what you do, YOU CAN NEVER PLEASE A NARCISSIST! There was never anything wrong with my communication skills! That guilt alone tormented me for so long. I felt so inadequate. I doubted myself for so long. It was a beautiful moment in my healing to realize, it never mattered what I said or how I said it, BILL NEVER CARED! I am a great communicator! The problem was him all along! NARCISSISTS ARE HORRIBLE RECEIVERS! No matter what you say or how you say it, they will NEVER receive it! One actually has to care about other people's wants and needs to respect other's wants and needs. Narcissists have no such capability. Until next time, peace, love and respect yourself. :)

"LIFE LESSONS"

I have learned so much and come so far over the past 4 years. I've learned that I'm stronger than I ever thought or gave myself credit for. I have walked through the fires of hell and survived! I persevered through horrendous situations and I landed on my feet! I'm rebuilding my life from the bottom up and it feels GREAT! Brand new car, brand new job, and best of all...I've returned to school and am loving every moment. In 2 years after I've earned my degree in English, I hope to realize a life long dream of writing. Now that I have a definite genre in mind, I will do it! My future is bright and it belongs to me, myself, and I!

At this moment in time, meeting someone is the last thing on my mind. However, someday I know exactly what qualities he must possess. He must be able to see the positive and absolutely must love to laugh! He must be intellectual. Gift of debate...big plus! He must be honest and empathetic! I've done the abusive, egotistical, narcissist. No more of that crap! EVER! If I meet someone someday when the time is right, cool. If not, oh well. The main point is I will never allow someone like Bill Connearney aka William Seamus McDonald to EVER poison my life again! Life lesson learned!

Life is happy and peaceful! I will never give that away to someone so undeserving again. Anyone can achieve this happiness. All it takes is strength, determination, courage, and time. I can attest 100% it is worth it! Peace and love to all my readers! :)

"UNFORTUNATE RESULTS"

William Seamus Connearney aka William Francis Connearney raised my son from the age of 5. Unfortunately, my son picked up a few bad behaviors during his childhood. He has the tendency to try and project his bad decisions onto others. Tries to excuse bad choices. Tries to downplay my feelings. Fortunately, he does have empathy for others. Does eventually admit he's wrong and owns up to it. He also truly loves others more than himself. Also, fortunately, I have done a lot of healing and work on the inner me. I do now know how to set firm boundaries regarding behavior I will not tolerate from anyone. I am so thankful that because there is no biological connection...there is hope. New behaviors and habits take time to root. I will never give up on achieving that with my son. The moral of this posting, please be careful and choosy about whom or what you expose your children to. It will have long term repercussions. I love you Chris!

"NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS"

Happy New Year!

For 2016 I resolve:

Adriana well and cancer free!

I will not allow you any space in my brain! I've raised the rent and you are evicted!

Now that I can breathe again, I will spend 30 minutes on the treadmill at least 4x a week!

I wish all reading this a healthy, happy, loving 2016 :)

"THE BIGGEST LAUGH"

The other night I was looking through the matches my dating app had suggested. I came across your picture. I laughed and laughed! Out of curiosity, I looked at your profile. I found the same old tired bullshit! How sad that you haven't had any kind of wake up to reality. Good luck in your search. I really mean that. The fact is you will spend your life searching for something that simply doesn't exist. I put up with you way longer than any woman in her right mind would. Once upon a time I loved you with all I had. Then the years of being put down, called names, feeling no validation or respect from you took hold and turned me into a depressed, anxious, raging bitch. I wish you well but, the truth is, you already had the best you ever will. You had no appreciation or gratefulness. Empty people can never be filled. Not in a meaningful way! I'm so sorry for you. Good luck though. :(

"MERRY CHRISTMAS WILLIAM SEAMUS MCDONALD"

For myself, this has been a wonderful holiday season! I've got a brand new car and job. I'll be back in school soon. My future once again is hopeful, and belongs to me alone. I've healed, persevered, and survived the vile, evil things you brought to my life. I've overcome every nasty, ugly step you threw at me. Through it all I've grown, healed, discovered things about myself that are truly priceless! I'm sure you are the same old, same old. I'm so sorry for you. I hope you are content with all you wished for in life. All the damage that you wrought. May life deliver more than you wished, dreamed, yearned after. May you have all that you so rightfully deserve. Happy New Year! I survived and thrived! I already have received more than I could have ever imagined! I am so grateful and so blessed! xoxoxoxo

"THANKSGIVING AND THANKFULNESS"

I believe very strongly that Thanksgiving and thankfulness go together. It's important to be grateful for our blessings. This year was the first time since 2009 that I sincerely felt that holiday spirit. I am so blessed and so grateful for where my life is today. I went to pick up my brand new car on Black Friday. My brand new car that I obtained ON MY OWN! I smiled the whole way home. Saturday I started driving for Uber. This week I'll be taking my assessment tests. The semester starts in February. During my marriage and separation, William Seamus McDonald tried his best to crush and destroy me. He FAILED! I did slip downhill for a time. It was a struggle at times however, I can see the light! From the depths of despair to triumph! I quit smoking. I have a brand new car and job. I'm going back to school! LIFE IS AWESOME! My future is mine again! I have survived! I am so thankful!