ATTN DEAR READER: I'm sorry if this mornings posting was removed before you had a chance to read it. I decided there is certain information I need to protect until court on the 8th. I'll repost right after the hearing. Bill Connearney the arrogant, self centered s.o.b. has a surprise coming. I don't want him to know till the end. Will post it here on the 8th! :)

"NARCISSISTS AND RULES/LAWS THEY IGNORE"

***The following statement is attached to papers filed in an upcoming hearing in which I'm seeking $10,+++ in back support that Bill Connearney illegally withheld over a period of 2 years. Mainly this paper says a lot re: his character (or lack thereof). The Narcissistic personality seems to think they can follow or ignore rules/laws as they choose. He spent so much time putting me down. While I was typing this out, the fact he's an habitual liar jumps out at me repeatedly. It reinforces that I shouldn't ever allow anything he said to occupy space in my brain. As the years passed, I did evolve into someone I didn't like at times. I had a short fuse with Bill and the smallest issue could set me off in a huge way. Looking back, all the years of being devalued, ignored, abused, minimized, had consequences. For too long, I kept pushing my own thoughts, needs, and desires to the bottom of the pile. I should never have accepted that from Bill or anyone. Apparently my subconscious knew all along it was bullshit! Obviously, my frustrations stayed deep inside building up over time. Like a closet that can only hold so much stuff, years of held back emotions wouldn't be denied.**** Mr. Connearney says I agreed to a $400 a month fee re: the Chrysler. This is untrue. I agreed to give him a credit since he was paying the car loan at the time. Mr. Connearney forfeited that credit when he illegally cashed out community property in September of 2011 and paid off the same car loan. He also illegally signed my name to tax returns for 2011 to escape the tax penalty for the early cash out. Even though I had no benefit/profit/ or knowledge of the money at the time. I was unaware of what he'd done till the following spring when he had to disclose these facts in court documents. Mr. Connearney hasn't paid me court ordered spousal support since April 2013. He mailed me a paper on 4/17 claiming illness before cashing in the remaining 401k account, paying off his debt and moving to Mass. His Facebook page shows his intentions of relocating to MA as early as Jan 2013. In Jan 2013 his financial statement filed with the court shows debt of nearly $30,000 yet in a newer statement he mailed to me in June of this year, his debt is listed at $6,000 ? How else did he pay off his debt but, with money from the 401k account that as per this courts order and judgement belonged in part to me. Mr. Connearney sent one check in the amount of $10,000 at the end of May. He still owes me $17,314 per this courts order on Jan 4th of this year. Mr. Connearney has thumbed his nose up at the court. Ignoring several directives to pay me. Now he's relocated back to MA. Apparently, based on him no longer paying the Spousal support ordered, he assumes he's escaped this courts judgement and jurisdiction. He received credit towards half the community debt yet, he's once again cashed out and used community funds to pay off that debt! Meanwhile, I'm owed the majority of the property settlement I was granted in this courtroom. It seems Mr. Connearney and only Mr. Connearney decides which financial obligations he'll honor and pay off. I tracked down his new employer when he first left CA. it was in fact Ricoh USA which is country wide. On May 17th of this year I faxed the wage assignment signed by this court to the head of that dept. when I called 6 days later to follow up, I was informed that the computer showed him as a former employee. Mr. Connearney never worked for Ricoh during our marriage though he coveted employment with them for many years. It is my contention that Mr. Connearney quit his new position in order to escape from the wage assignment order. If Mr. Connearney was sick, as he claims to be in the statement mailed to me on April 15th, why didn't he bring that to the courts attention on April 3rd when he tried for the third time to have this court modify the support order? I assume a Dr made the diagnosis? Mr. Connearney cancelled my car insurance on 5/9/13 which he received a $500 credit for from this court in the divorce settlement. Insurance he was ordered to provide until Dec 2013. He in fact received a $500 refund from the insurance company upon the cancellation of the policy. Contrary to the courts orders, Mr. Connearney had informed me in Feb of 2013 that in order to receive my own policy, I'd in fact have to pay for it and be reimbursed by him after the fact. I was quoted a cost of $500. by the adjuster. Given my financial situation, this was not possible. Mr. Connearney claims he shouldn't have to pay back support for the months of Feb 2011-Aug2011 since I had moved in with him. I submit to this court the following true facts: 1) Mr. Connearney called me the night of Feb 4 2011. I'd just been granted the support order of $1599/month. He stated that he'd be unable to pay me and maintain his apt. He suggested that I move in, we cancel the divorce, and work together to try and get Ahmi back. He further stated that he'd consider the $1599 support order payment towards "your room and board." 2) Despite his many requests, I never cancelled the divorce papers because I didn't really trust Mr. Connearney. As it turns out he was secretly recording conversations between the two of us, talking behind my back to the social worker, etc... His sole motivation the Spring and Summer of 2011 apparently was trying to find a way out of paying the support order. I did credit him $1200 a month for this time period in my filing for arrearage. 3) He tried to kill me in May 2011. The only reason I remained after that incident was the Drs orders to stay off my leg for what turned out to be 3 months due to a torn ACL and Meniscus. I had a severe devastating injury. I simply had no where else to go. Since he'd cancelled my health insurance effective Jan 2011 I also went months w/out an MRI or proper medical care. I went to the neighborhood clinic once a month and although the Dr. did the best she could re: my diagnosis and care, it was hampered by the fact she had no diagnostic tools available. Mr. Connearney refused to pay for the bills that were accumulated from this time period. Nearly 3,500 including the ambulance. He later said I should have refused the EMTs and Police when they suggested taking me to the hospital. Even though my leg had a serious injury and would not support me following his attempt on my life. Which he was arrested for that morning. 3) Mr. Connearney further states I'm not entitled to the support because I didn't seek employment. This is another false statement. I had in fact been hired towards the end of March 2011 as a substitute teacher by HeadStart. The last thing that was required before active employment was a physical examination. Obtaining one was hampered by his cancellation of my health insurance at the start of 2011. After his attempt on my life in early May 2011 I was under strict Drs. orders to stay off my leg. My injury was severe and it took months to heal. I was unable to walk, bend, stretch, run, etc... for 6 months without crutches and/or a leg brace due exclusively to the actions of Mr. William Francis Connearney ! I'm traveling to MA in a weeks time (7/16/13) to file documents with the MA courts. It is my intention that Mr. Connearney be held accountable for his debt to me. I pray this courts assistance to that end through it's granting of a judgement in my favor. I swear under penalty of perjury, under the laws of the state of California, the statements above are the truth.

"DECEIT, LIES, ABUSE, VIA BILL CONNEARNEY"

Jan 2011 I filed for divorce and for a support order. I was desperately trying to get my girl back and doing whatever the wrecker had told me towards that end. It was all for nothing. I found out later, the bitch already had her plan in place. She was a two faced backstabbing bitch who didn't have the decency to be honest and up front with me. Anyways, that's all water under the bridge and covered elsewhere so, back to Bill. In early Feb 2011 I was granted an order of support. Bill was stunned! I actually thought he was going to cry. He'd been sure I'd be turned down. It was obvious he'd never considered for a moment that I'd get a judgement. That night he called me and says, "look there's no way I can afford to pay you and my rent. Come move in, we'll cancel the divorce, and work together to try and get Ahmi back. I'll consider the $1599. room and board." Although, there was a part of me that knew it wasn't a good idea. I'd just lost her officially in court about a week earlier. I had a lot of resentment towards Bill re: the loss. I feared the anger and resentment would overtake me eventually. Resulting in an explosive situation. There was another side of me that thought, maybe it would help to be around someone who knew and (supposedly) loved her. I was slipping into the darkest cave of depression by this time. The grief was overwhelming. I desperately needed someone to validate and understand my pain. So, in the end, I let him talk me into it. His understanding and support lasted all of 2 weeks! I was slipping deeper and deeper into a black hole. I couldn't shower, eat, sleep. All I could do was cry. I wondered often, how the hell the tears continued to fall. Anyways, Bills supportive statement? "Suck it up and move on!" Pretty much a cold hearted bastard right? Believe it or not, he was just getting started! I would find out a year later, that he secretly recorded a conversation that took place right after I moved in. On the tape I'm crying and repeating over and over, "please get my baby back..." Bill is feeding me questions, "what are you going to do if I don't? What was it you said? Did you say you'd shoot me in the head?" I'd just suffered the devastating loss of my girl and this devious, piece of shit is exploiting my grief, putting words in my mouth, secretly recording the conversation! This is the tape he'd play more than a year later in court to get his bullshit order of protection! Anyways, during this same time period he began bugging me about canceling the papers. Something I kept putting off. Turns out that was the smartest decision on my part. Looking back, I have no doubt whatsoever that had I cancelled those papers, he'd have been at the courthouse the day after refiling as the petitioner! It drove him up the wall that I was the petitioner and not him. Bill always wants to be in control. It stuck in his gut that he had to file as Respondent. No matter if he was filing an action or answering mine. He even wrote it the wrong way on one set of papers and the court made him correct it. Knowing him like I do, that absolutely was very hard for him to swallow! For the first time in 23 years, I was in the drivers seat. He wasn't happy about it. Just how pissed off he was would soon be revealed. His attempt to kill me was coming soon. I'm sure however, even before that, right from the start. He asked me to move in and already had a plan in mind to destroy me. All because I had the nerve to seek an order of support from the court and worst of all, it was granted!

"THE TRUTH IS THE TRUTH"

***WARNING STRONG LANGUAGE*** In all the years that Bill Connearney and I were together, he never took responsibility for his words or behavior. In Bill's world, there's no owning or apologizing. Instead apparently, you deny that it ever happened. Words of denial can rewrite the past. Wow! If it only were that easy! There's a few things I'd erase from my history if it only worked that way. I however, live in a true reality. I own my screw ups and bad choices. Good and bad, my past is my past. I recently was told Bill denied ever choking me. Accordingly, he never put his hands around my throat. Bill Connearney, you're a F@CKING scumbag LIAR! I was severely depressed. Devestated over the loss of MY girl. You were tired of me crying and grieving. You were telling me to leave at 2:30 in the morning. I was begging at least 5x for you to leave me alone. I tried to get a cigarette and go out onto the balcony to get away from you. When I was in the kitchen you wrapped your hands around my throat and tried to crush my windpipe with your thumbs! You took me to the floor and I tried to kick up at you, attempting to breathe. That's when you knelt on my right knee, forced it the wrong way into the floor, tearing my ACL and Meniscus. You came very close to taking my life. If I hadn't dug my nails into you out of desperation, I'd be dead! You know it, and I know it! You're a dirty F@CKING liar! The fact that you're lying about it, doesn't change it! Under penalty of Perjury and lawsuit, I declare the following to be the absolute truth! BILL CONNEARNEY TRIED TO KILL ME IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS OF MAY 5, 2011. He put his hands around my throat and attempted to crush my windpipe with his thumbs! He caused a horrible injury to my leg that took months to heal. The only reason I'm alive is my will to live kicked in at the last moment. I dug my nails into him and wouldn't let go. Bill Connearney you're an abusive, lying, scumbag, waste of life, attempted murderer! We reap what we sow. The time is coming very, very soon! Burn in hell!

"WAS IT ALL ME?"

When I think back on all the red flags over the years, I wonder what the hell I was thinking. I'm continuing to work on myself. Finding the answers inside of me. I acknowledge putting up with his crap all the years that I did tells me I still have work to do. We split for the final time in September of 2011. I've done a lot of contemplating, grieving, healing, and talking since then. My therapist was right the day he said to me, "we marry what we know." I'd never considered till that moment the similarities between Bill and my Mother! One thing I've learned and am very proud of, I'll never allow anyone to disrespect me like that again. I can 100% say that anyone who puts their hands on me is going straight to jail! I guess that's the silver lining I can walk away with. Ever since he blackened my eyes in September of 2009, I'd known that we were done. I won't go into it here but, I had my reasons for not throwing his ass in jail that night. For covering up what he'd done to me. Those who've read my original blog, Child Punishing Service, know the story and the price I paid. Anyways, all the put downs, criticism, and devaluing took their toll over time of course. I'd actually catch myself wondering if he was right. Was I evil? Were his ugly words accurate? NO!! He's a defective human being who can't accept/own up to his own shortcomings. I've learned and come to accept, he puts everything on others because to accept any responsibility is beyond him. I sometimes think about the love I used to feel. I think about the sweet, loving, special things he did over the years and how he wiped it all away with his diabolical, abusive, horrific behavior the last 2 and 1/2 years. I'm starting to realize, the moments of sadness these days aren't about Bill. It's the loss of what was supposed to be. I think that's a huge step for me. With each passing day I believe/accept, it takes two! All I ever asked for was validation, respect, and to come 1st half the time, that's not a lot! Bill Connearney, I pity you. You were wrong! All the bad things you would say about me, look in the mirror and repeat! You're EVIL, ABUSIVE, SELFISH, AND A LIAR! Anyone who values money above all, is an empty shell of a being! You're not a man! We don't erase or change the past through denial! You did try to kill me in the early morning hours of 5/5/2011! You put your hands around my throat, cut off my air flow, and tried to crush my windpipe with your thumbs! You're a BULL SHIT LIAR! I hope you rot in HELL!

"THE EVIL INSIDE"

This next posting jumps 23 years into the present. I'd thought to tell my story in an ordered fashion however, "the best laid plans..." Please forgive my jump ahead. The next few postings will be based on more recent events. I'm also going to mention incidents that occurred as they pertain to the posting. Although some I will elaborate on at a later time. So Bill moved out 8/1/10. Most weekends he still came to take Ahmi and the dogs to the beach. She looked forward to it all week. Although he sometimes came by to read her bedtime stories and tuck her in during the week, Saturday was her, "special time w/ Daddy." I was glad he did this. It was a routine she counted on, it was some continuity during a very confusing time for her. She loved Bill and he seemed to care about her. Until that late summer, early fall in 2010, she'd thrived having 2 parents who doted on her, a routine she counted on, and all the love and attention she needed. Having studied child development in school, I know that, it is important that children have both a Mom and Dad involved in their lives. Dads contribute to their children's lives in a much different but, equally important way than Moms do. Research has shown children who have no Dad involved in their upbringing are at greater risk for, delinquency, drug use, teenage pregnancy https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/usermanuals/fatherhood/chaptertwo.cfm Anyways, I'd always respected how Ahmi felt about Bill and the relationship she had w/ him. Never talked negative about him, etc... Not long after he moved out, I became aware that in response to Ahmi's natural questions re: him not living with us anymore, he was telling her, "it's because Mommy is evil that I can't live with you baby." What kind of a selfish bastard say's things like that to a 3 year old? Despite my repeated requests that he not put her in the middle, that he stop saying inappropriate things to her, he wouldn't. His mouth vomiting bullshit was apparently more important than what was best for Ahmi. One weekend he was mad at me and didn't show to pick her up. She didn't say much but, was very quiet. As the weekend went on, I could see her pain. She was easily moved to tears which was very unlike her. On Sunday I tried and tried to call Bill. He refused to answer the phone until late afternoon. I told him it really sucked that he was punishing Ahmi because he was mad at me. I didn't have to speak to him or even look at him. He just couldn't get it that he was punishing Ahmi. That she was hurting. All the selfish bastard could say was that he was p.o'd at me. That it had "nothing to do with Ahmi." Yet, he professed to love her so much! SMUCK! I hated him for hurting her like that! Later when we lost her, she'd repeated his "Mommy's evil statements" to the social worker, he acknowledged to them it hadn't been right to say that but, he didn't mean it or care! He said what they expected him to say, not what he believed! Typical Bill Connearney always putting his wants and needs at the top of the priority list!

"GETTING MARRIED"

So Bill moves to San Diego to join the Navy and time moves on. During those years I broke it off with Chris's dad and was going it alone. A month before Chris's 5th birthday, Bill came home on leave. We met up with each other and soon were spending all of our free time together. He's home for 2 weeks and it passes in a blur! During this time things moved way faster than they otherwise should have. He said he loved me and wanted me to marry him. I didn't say it back at first but, by the end of his leave I had. We planned that the following August, eleven months away, I'd fly out and visit him in San Diego. One huge concern I had, he'd stated that he wasn't ready for kids. Chris and I were a package deal. I didn't really see it going anywhere. He returns to his life in San Diego way too soon but, life goes on. We write and talk on the phone. Sometime within the first two weeks he calls and asks me to hear him out before responding. He's decided we shouldn't wait. That we should get married right away. That he misses me and wants me to be with him. I tell him "I'm sorry but, no. Chris is still part of the deal and you said you aren't ready for the responsibility." He says, he's done some thinking and he's changed his mind. I put him off for a few days. Looking back, I wished I'd stood my ground. I wish I'd noticed how he stressed getting more money from the Navy. In hindsight, I believe that was the inspiration for his "change of heart." We represented dollar signs. Maybe he had other factors in mind also. However, as I'd come to know, money means everything to Bill! Eventually I let myself be talked into it. I said yes and began to make plans for Chris and I to move from Massachusetts to San Diego. I had a little more than a month. It was the beginning of October. We'd be leaving on November 10th.

"THE BEGINNING"

Bill and I grew up in the same neighborhood. As kids we didn't get along. This was mainly because of an Incident that happened the year he was a 5th grader and our bus monitor. I was a year behind him and could be a smart ass like most kids that age. One day after school instead of sitting in my seat, I was up talking to friends. He asked me to take my seat and I mouthed off before eventually doing it. I got off at my usual stop and Bill who usually rode the final two stops, also left the bus. When the bus pulled away he slapped me in the face causing my glasses to fall off my face, into the street where they broke. My parent's filed a lawsuit for the cost of replacement. He had to do community service to pay for the glasses and proceeded to hate me for the next five years. I was actually best friends with his younger sister and liked his brother for a time. However, he couldn't see us together or there'd be grief! Soon after I turned fifteen I ran away from home and soon after that, things got names better between us. He stopped chasing me off, calling me names, basically he forgave and stopped being a bully. Bill worked with my sons Dad back then and his sister was Chris's godmother so we saw each other more often. One day, I was sitting in their living room nursing Chris. I heard the front door open and then, Bill's voice asking Nancy if the baby was there. He got really excited, came rushing into the living room. He was embarrassed to find me in the middle of feeding Chris. It was such a contrast to his normal persona, I thought it sweet to see a different side of him. It was while watching him talk baby talk to my son that, the seeds of a secret crush were planted. A crush I'd keep to myself for five years.