"ADDICTION'

Since my separation and divorce I've come to equate my marriage to Bill Connearney as an addiction. Although my head knows and accepts that I'm better off without him and his toxicity, my heart isn't always on board. I know one day when I think about him, a thought is all he'll be. That is when I will know I will finally be free of him and our past. After the final split I thought about our beginning. I came to some hard truths. In hindsight, I let myself get swept up in the fact that my long time secret wish was coming true. It was like a true life fairy tale. Although, I knew I should take things slow. I threw caution and common sense away too quickly. I'd developed a crush on Bill soon after the birth of my son. Of course I kept it to myself. As far as he or anyone else knew, we were just friends. About a year and half later he'd enlisted in the Navy and was gone. A few years passed, I was a single Mom. Busy with my life, raising a preschooler, working, etc... One day I happen to call his Moms looking for his sister and he picks up! I was thrilled and very surprised to hear his voice. I'd thought about him from time to time the past few years. Wondered how he was doing, etc... So we talked briefly and way to soon said our goodbyes. I thought about him a lot that night. The next afternoon I called his Mom's house under the pretext of once again seeking to speak wth his sister. Again he answered the phone and this time when we hung up, he would soon be stopping by my apartment. Long story shortened, we spent almost every moment of the next 2 weeks together. All too soon it was time for him to fly back to San Diego. It was the end of Sept,1987. We'd promised to stay in touch, write each other. Also discussed the possibility of me flying out to Ca in 2/1989 to visit when he returned from westpac. We'd also talked about kids. Bill had said that he didn't want kids until he was at least 30. At this time I thought we'd remain at friend level only and I was fine with that. I respected him for telling me. Of course, I was and always would be part of a package deal. Once he's back in SD, we talked all the time. One day in early Oct, he called and said that he's not going to hang up until he convinces me to move to SD and marry him! I started with, "I'm sorry, no". I reminded him about his statement re: children. He explains that he's given it a lot of thought. That he was wrong. That he was ready and wanted to be a family. So eventually, after a long time on the phone, I accepted his proposal. There's no rehab for this addiction of mine. Yes there's therapy. Been there, done that. Now, just the passage of time. It is easier with each passing day to divert my thoughts. Pull myself back into reality. An addiction as harmful as any other addiction. Unfortunately, there's no quick fix, no rehab, no 12 step program. Distance and time seem to be the only cure. Hmmm, rehab for one's heart, spirit, mind, and soul broken by divorce. Food for thought.

"FORGIVENESS AND MOVING ON"

A friend who's opinion I do value and respect, thinks I should forget about filing a civil suit against Bill. That it's time to put it behind me and move on. I respect her opinion. However, this time it's wrong. I need to do this last thing. Over the past, nearly 3 years, Bill has; (1) Cost me my baby love. A large chunk of my heart and soul were lost in January 2011. He may have blown it all off."Sucked it up and moved on," I love her! I don't have the gift of throwing away people and pets who aren't convenient in the moment. Unlike Bill Connearney I don't value money above all else. (2) He exploited my devastating pain and grief. He secretly, illegally recorded a conversation in which he put words in my mouth, basically entrapping me. In normal circumstances I never would have said I'd shoot him in the head. He harassed me on that tape. Repeating himself over and over until he got me to agree with him. (3) Then he got away with trying to kill me. He left me with a horrible injury that he never took responsibility for. In fact over time, he changed his reality to where, he had nothing to do with it! I WENT TO FRUCKING JAIL! Never been in trouble until the bastard stood up in court and lied through his teeth! I can't work in my field because of him! No much as I love my friend, he still needs a monetary lesson that will follow him to the grave! He's an evil, selfish, abusive, vindictive bastard. Bill Connearney needs to pay in some way for the wrong he's done! It's the principal of everything. I'm going for $50,000 and the bastard is lucky I'm holding myself back! In CA, if you secretly record someone and then use it in court against them, under state law, you're liable for any and all damages! No suing him will be the end. I need him to be punished by the court. He's put me through hell. Systematically tried to destroy me. The one thing he cares about is his wallet. I want justice in front of the court. I deserve it! The bastard put his hands on me on 3 different occasions. The last 2 times, he caused horrible, devastating injuries. Yet, he lies and get's a restraining order? Bullshit! He needs to pay restitution for what he's done. I'm confident the court will see it my way. Once I get a judgement that will hang over his head the rest of his life, I'll forgive and forget. The S.O.B has never shown any remorse, maturity, or fairness. Why the hell should I continue to show him any? From the beginning I tried to act like an adult and just wanted things to be fairly split. Bill Connearney is the one who wouldn't have it. Well as the saying goes,"He made his bed, let him lie in it!"

"NARCISSISTS AND RULES/LAWS THEY IGNORE"

***The following statement is attached to papers filed in an upcoming hearing in which I'm seeking $10,+++ in back support that Bill Connearney illegally withheld over a period of 2 years. Mainly this paper says a lot re: his character (or lack thereof). The Narcissistic personality seems to think they can follow or ignore rules/laws as they choose. He spent so much time putting me down. While I was typing this out, the fact he's an habitual liar jumps out at me repeatedly. It reinforces that I shouldn't ever allow anything he said to occupy space in my brain. As the years passed, I did evolve into someone I didn't like at times. I had a short fuse with Bill and the smallest issue could set me off in a huge way. Looking back, all the years of being devalued, ignored, abused, minimized, had consequences. For too long, I kept pushing my own thoughts, needs, and desires to the bottom of the pile. I should never have accepted that from Bill or anyone. Apparently my subconscious knew all along it was bullshit! Obviously, my frustrations stayed deep inside building up over time. Like a closet that can only hold so much stuff, years of held back emotions wouldn't be denied.**** Mr. Connearney says I agreed to a $400 a month fee re: the Chrysler. This is untrue. I agreed to give him a credit since he was paying the car loan at the time. Mr. Connearney forfeited that credit when he illegally cashed out community property in September of 2011 and paid off the same car loan. He also illegally signed my name to tax returns for 2011 to escape the tax penalty for the early cash out. Even though I had no benefit/profit/ or knowledge of the money at the time. I was unaware of what he'd done till the following spring when he had to disclose these facts in court documents. Mr. Connearney hasn't paid me court ordered spousal support since April 2013. He mailed me a paper on 4/17 claiming illness before cashing in the remaining 401k account, paying off his debt and moving to Mass. His Facebook page shows his intentions of relocating to MA as early as Jan 2013. In Jan 2013 his financial statement filed with the court shows debt of nearly $30,000 yet in a newer statement he mailed to me in June of this year, his debt is listed at $6,000 ? How else did he pay off his debt but, with money from the 401k account that as per this courts order and judgement belonged in part to me. Mr. Connearney sent one check in the amount of $10,000 at the end of May. He still owes me $17,314 per this courts order on Jan 4th of this year. Mr. Connearney has thumbed his nose up at the court. Ignoring several directives to pay me. Now he's relocated back to MA. Apparently, based on him no longer paying the Spousal support ordered, he assumes he's escaped this courts judgement and jurisdiction. He received credit towards half the community debt yet, he's once again cashed out and used community funds to pay off that debt! Meanwhile, I'm owed the majority of the property settlement I was granted in this courtroom. It seems Mr. Connearney and only Mr. Connearney decides which financial obligations he'll honor and pay off. I tracked down his new employer when he first left CA. it was in fact Ricoh USA which is country wide. On May 17th of this year I faxed the wage assignment signed by this court to the head of that dept. when I called 6 days later to follow up, I was informed that the computer showed him as a former employee. Mr. Connearney never worked for Ricoh during our marriage though he coveted employment with them for many years. It is my contention that Mr. Connearney quit his new position in order to escape from the wage assignment order. If Mr. Connearney was sick, as he claims to be in the statement mailed to me on April 15th, why didn't he bring that to the courts attention on April 3rd when he tried for the third time to have this court modify the support order? I assume a Dr made the diagnosis? Mr. Connearney cancelled my car insurance on 5/9/13 which he received a $500 credit for from this court in the divorce settlement. Insurance he was ordered to provide until Dec 2013. He in fact received a $500 refund from the insurance company upon the cancellation of the policy. Contrary to the courts orders, Mr. Connearney had informed me in Feb of 2013 that in order to receive my own policy, I'd in fact have to pay for it and be reimbursed by him after the fact. I was quoted a cost of $500. by the adjuster. Given my financial situation, this was not possible. Mr. Connearney claims he shouldn't have to pay back support for the months of Feb 2011-Aug2011 since I had moved in with him. I submit to this court the following true facts: 1) Mr. Connearney called me the night of Feb 4 2011. I'd just been granted the support order of $1599/month. He stated that he'd be unable to pay me and maintain his apt. He suggested that I move in, we cancel the divorce, and work together to try and get Ahmi back. He further stated that he'd consider the $1599 support order payment towards "your room and board." 2) Despite his many requests, I never cancelled the divorce papers because I didn't really trust Mr. Connearney. As it turns out he was secretly recording conversations between the two of us, talking behind my back to the social worker, etc... His sole motivation the Spring and Summer of 2011 apparently was trying to find a way out of paying the support order. I did credit him $1200 a month for this time period in my filing for arrearage. 3) He tried to kill me in May 2011. The only reason I remained after that incident was the Drs orders to stay off my leg for what turned out to be 3 months due to a torn ACL and Meniscus. I had a severe devastating injury. I simply had no where else to go. Since he'd cancelled my health insurance effective Jan 2011 I also went months w/out an MRI or proper medical care. I went to the neighborhood clinic once a month and although the Dr. did the best she could re: my diagnosis and care, it was hampered by the fact she had no diagnostic tools available. Mr. Connearney refused to pay for the bills that were accumulated from this time period. Nearly 3,500 including the ambulance. He later said I should have refused the EMTs and Police when they suggested taking me to the hospital. Even though my leg had a serious injury and would not support me following his attempt on my life. Which he was arrested for that morning. 3) Mr. Connearney further states I'm not entitled to the support because I didn't seek employment. This is another false statement. I had in fact been hired towards the end of March 2011 as a substitute teacher by HeadStart. The last thing that was required before active employment was a physical examination. Obtaining one was hampered by his cancellation of my health insurance at the start of 2011. After his attempt on my life in early May 2011 I was under strict Drs. orders to stay off my leg. My injury was severe and it took months to heal. I was unable to walk, bend, stretch, run, etc... for 6 months without crutches and/or a leg brace due exclusively to the actions of Mr. William Francis Connearney ! I'm traveling to MA in a weeks time (7/16/13) to file documents with the MA courts. It is my intention that Mr. Connearney be held accountable for his debt to me. I pray this courts assistance to that end through it's granting of a judgement in my favor. I swear under penalty of perjury, under the laws of the state of California, the statements above are the truth.