"VALIDATION"

Well the 4th of last month was the 2nd anniversary of the divorce. March 15th marks 3.5 years since our final split. The paper of fraud expired last Thursday. At long last, that lie is off me! All the times Bill Connearney told ME I was evil?! I now know that was the Narcissist projecting his own self onto me! When we first split it was very tough. I was obsessed with the need of hearing him finally taking responsibility and apologizing for the evil things he’d done. I fantasized that he’d come to me, admit how wrong he’d been, apologize and I’d tell him to go straight to hell. One day my therepist asked me, “what do you need in order to close the door and move on?” I had my standard answer, I needed Bill to own his responsibility and apologize. Then that wise man would ask, “what if that never happens, then what? How can Lynn be okay?”

It took a little more work yet, eventually I was able to let it go. All those years of his evil words, my self doubt and guilt, gone. I finally realized that all of the put downs, manipulations, selfishness, minimizing, those are the traits of the Narcissist! That is the core of who Bill Connearney is.That’s who HE is. Honestly, I can yell, I'm very passionate. Especially when I feel attacked or when I feel ignored, not heard. However, when I’m validated, heard, and respected, that trait is non existent. So many years of thinking I was communicating wrong. I thought there was something wrong with me. That if I could just find the right words, he’d finally listen, hear me, and understand. There would be no more built up stress and anger inside of me. I finally came to understand that was total bullshit! Narcissists know how to play the game of projection, manipulation, and victim!

I finally was able to accept that it NEVER mattered! Because he NEVER cared! I NEVER had a chance. I’ve learned since those days, I have great communication skills. I know how to listen and hear others! Narcissists could care less what you have to say because in their eyes, your wants, needs, and feelings mean nothing to them. Back in the early years of our marriage, he’d get upset and blow up about something. He wouldn’t talk to me for 2-4 days. I didn’t realize back then that’s passive aggressive behavior and it’s abusive. It was horrible walking around on eggshells. Many times I’d take Chris and go spend the night at a friends. The quiet was unbearably lonely. I fled that silence many times. Then he’d get over whatever his issue was and finally speak to me. However, one stipulation, there was no discussion, If I tried to discuss my thoughts, feelings, point of view, he shut me down. “I’m over that, forget about it I have.” 20+ years of no validation, respect, empathy, etc... No wonder my closet finally exploded and I turned into a raging bitch!

These days I know how to set firm boundaries. No one tells me my feelings are wrong. No one calls me filthy names or tries to brainwash me. No one puts their hands on me in anger. I don’t need anyone’s validation. I’m worthy, smart, honest, loyal, and I will accept nothing but, the same in return. Life isn’t always easy. sometimes it’s a freaking bitch, I’m so much better than I was. NEVER again will I be a doormat! GUESS WHAT BILL CONNEARNEY? YOU WERE WRONG! IT WASN’T ME, IT WAS YOU! I NO LONGER NEED YOU TO VALIDATE THAT. I KNOW IT’S TRUE. I’M GOOD WITH THAT! Stay healthy and well. I may love again, I will NEVER remarry! You did so many evil things to me. Trying your best to crush me. Even tried to kill me. I survived! I’ll NEVER let you off the hook! Pay back can be a bitch! Take that to your grave! It’s payback for all the evil, underhanded tricks and lies that you threw at me from Sept 2011 until Aug of 2013. How’s it working for you? I know every payday you get a little knife twist in your gut. Good! You reap what you sow baby!

"ADDICTION'

Since my separation and divorce I've come to equate my marriage to Bill Connearney as an addiction. Although my head knows and accepts that I'm better off without him and his toxicity, my heart isn't always on board. I know one day when I think about him, a thought is all he'll be. That is when I will know I will finally be free of him and our past. After the final split I thought about our beginning. I came to some hard truths. In hindsight, I let myself get swept up in the fact that my long time secret wish was coming true. It was like a true life fairy tale. Although, I knew I should take things slow. I threw caution and common sense away too quickly. I'd developed a crush on Bill soon after the birth of my son. Of course I kept it to myself. As far as he or anyone else knew, we were just friends. About a year and half later he'd enlisted in the Navy and was gone. A few years passed, I was a single Mom. Busy with my life, raising a preschooler, working, etc... One day I happen to call his Moms looking for his sister and he picks up! I was thrilled and very surprised to hear his voice. I'd thought about him from time to time the past few years. Wondered how he was doing, etc... So we talked briefly and way to soon said our goodbyes. I thought about him a lot that night. The next afternoon I called his Mom's house under the pretext of once again seeking to speak wth his sister. Again he answered the phone and this time when we hung up, he would soon be stopping by my apartment. Long story shortened, we spent almost every moment of the next 2 weeks together. All too soon it was time for him to fly back to San Diego. It was the end of Sept,1987. We'd promised to stay in touch, write each other. Also discussed the possibility of me flying out to Ca in 2/1989 to visit when he returned from westpac. We'd also talked about kids. Bill had said that he didn't want kids until he was at least 30. At this time I thought we'd remain at friend level only and I was fine with that. I respected him for telling me. Of course, I was and always would be part of a package deal. Once he's back in SD, we talked all the time. One day in early Oct, he called and said that he's not going to hang up until he convinces me to move to SD and marry him! I started with, "I'm sorry, no". I reminded him about his statement re: children. He explains that he's given it a lot of thought. That he was wrong. That he was ready and wanted to be a family. So eventually, after a long time on the phone, I accepted his proposal. There's no rehab for this addiction of mine. Yes there's therapy. Been there, done that. Now, just the passage of time. It is easier with each passing day to divert my thoughts. Pull myself back into reality. An addiction as harmful as any other addiction. Unfortunately, there's no quick fix, no rehab, no 12 step program. Distance and time seem to be the only cure. Hmmm, rehab for one's heart, spirit, mind, and soul broken by divorce. Food for thought.

"OH NO, OH NO, BACK TO COURT WE GO"

Strange, somehow I had thought when the divorce was final, we would be. Not so grasshopper. Seems Bill is never going to follow the courts orders willingly in regard to spousal support. That's why he's actively trying to trash me in the Massachusetts courts now that California courts have caught on to him! It's ridiculous that the sob thinks he's above the law! I've got news for him, I'm not giving up. About to file contempt charges and a small claims case against him. It sucks that I have to once again take up the courts time however, I won't give up! Bill is so freaking delusional! He seems to feel he can do whatever the hell he wants! He's tried and failed four times to have my spousal support cut off. This last time the Judge told him it wasn't going to happen. That he'd followed the guide lines and that was that. "Pay her" were his exact words. Bill Connearney has once again blown him off and it appears he has no intention of following the judges orders. Well time to instigate contempt charges. Maybe if his ass goes to jail, it will finally sink in!
p.s. If you're dating and or thinking about dating someone named Bill Connearney? If you goggled his name and you're now reading this wondering if he's one and the same? If he's covered with tattoos. If he has a brother Paul, 2 sisters Jean and Nancy, it's a match! Woman to woman, RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN! He may act charming and all that, IT'S ALL A LIE! He's an evil. selfish bastard! Beware! Condolences and best of luck to you!

VINDICTIVE EVILNESS

There's a lot to the story behind this posting. I'm going to try to tell it all without confusion. Please bear with me. In late summer of 2010, soon after Bill had moved out, I played a trick involving our truck. One afternoon, A friend and I drove to Bill's apartment complex and using my key, I drove the truck back to San Diego and parked it down the street from the house. Bill obviously was not happy. He tried to report me to the police for STEALING the truck. Too bad for him; (1) I had a key. In CA, if you have a key, it's assumed you have permission to be in possession of said vehicle. (2) I was still his wife and it was community property. Bottom line they wouldn't get involved. He found it almost immediately and in fact took it back within days. However, he kept a club on it after that.
Sometime around December of that year, he made his first attempt at obtaining a restraining order. The Judge at that time was slightly smarter than the one who came after. After hearing Bills weak, no basis case, he instead ordered a 4 month emotional cool off period. For both of us! Less than 2 months later, Bill was enraged when this same judge granted my spousal support order. I believe he had ulterior motives when he phoned soon after I was granted the temp. order. He asked me to move in to his apartment saying, "let's try to save our marriage." I believe in hindsight he already had a other ideas. He already planned to set me up or to try and discredit me. Hoping to get out of paying me the ordered support. It was early Feb. 2011 I was devastated re: the loss of Ahmi. I was falling deeper into the blackest cave of depression with each passing day. It was during this 1st month that Bill secretly recorded me. On the tape, which he'd use the following Feb to obtain his fake r.o., I'm crying and mostly repeating over and over,"get my baby back. Please just get my baby back." While he's trying to entrap me by asking over and over,"what will you do to me? Shoot me in the head? I guess at the end I finally agree with him. Not only would the bastard use it 12 months later, he lied in court and presented it as recent.
In the beginning he asked nearly everyday if I'd gone and cancelled the divorce papers. I've no doubt he simply wanted to be the petitioner. I'm guessing in his messed up logic, that was a way out of paying me. In Bill Connearney's mind, I didn't deserve anything. Even though I worked the majority of the marriage and he insisted on half of whatever I took home, I was paying rent not contributing to the household. That's how the Asshole referred to my money, as rent! Whenever I'd voice an opinion re: the mountain of debt he kept over our head, he'd say the same thing. "Don't worry about it. I pay the bills. Just pay your rent." Too bad the judge didn't see it that way, seeing as half the value of said debt came out of my final property division! Of course, during the summer of 2011, after he tried to kill me, when I was unable to work, he missed my money! Being the bitch that I can be, I asked him several times, ”You've always minimized my monetary contribution. Now that you don't have it, how's that working out for you?" So many years the bastard blew off anything I had to say re: finances. I felt minimized, like I was nothing. So, yes I admit there was a petty satisfaction in rubbing that in his face. In fact, it wasn't working out for him at all.
He was getting more pissed off by the day. In true Bill Connearney style as summer passed, he somehow rewrote his role/responsibility re: my injury. The fact that I was laid up, had limited mobility for months, was unable to get proper medical care, and had lost my job opportunity working as a teacher for HeadStart became choices I made. Must be nice to be so delusional. Don't like something in your history? Regret something you've done? Black it out! Deny, deny, deny. Over time, in your own mind at least, it will become as you wish, a fantasy that feels better than the cold hard truth of reality. Even the pain I went through, the horrendous, slow recovery, was an act!! Anyone reading this who's torn their ACL or Meniscus will know the pain I'm talking about. Now, imagine, no pain meds, no physical therapy, and middle age. A situation I'd never wish on anyone. Because of my age, it's healed as well as it ever will! I try not to dwell on the pain I'm going to feel 10-15 years from now.
Fast forward to Feb 2012. I was homeless living in my car. Even though the SOB had cashed out one of the retirement accounts by this time. He never said a word nor offered me any of the money. Which by the way, was half mine! I'd park and hang out somewhere near his apartment a lot of the time. It was gated so I felt pretty safe. Well, one night while he was at the bar, I noticed the club wasn't on the steering wheel. Since my car was very low on gas, I decided I just might drive the truck. When he came home and saw me sitting in it, he freaked. First thing he asked,"How'd you get the club off?" When I told him he'd left it off, he was mad at himself. So he invites me to walk the dogs and after locking the club in the trunk of my car, I do. No big deal we walk them, talking the whole time. small talk but, no big deal, no acrimony. The next day it's a miserable rainy day. The kind of day that we don't see often in Southern CA. He comes home and gave me some leftover carne asada fries from 2 days before, Super Bowl Sunday. Next thing I know the cops are there to serve me with a temporary r.o.! The rotten piece of shit had gone to court, claiming to be in fear of me! First of all, anyone who knows us, would know what a crock of crap that is! He outweighs me by 100lbs and benches 250+. I suppose he couldn't tell the truth however. "Your honor, I don't want her taking my truck" wouldn't have quite the response he was looking for!
I foolishly never filed a response. I thought back to the year before, knowing there was no valid reason for him to be granted a r.o. I believed he'd once again be denied. Little did I know, Bill was planning for things to get very, very dirty! He lied to the judge, manufactured evidence and guess what his grand finale was? The secret tape he'd recorded the year before. I guess the judge was drunk or on drugs that day. He accepted that tape as evidence even though there was no time stamp AT ALL!! He overruled my objection when I brought that to his attention. Yet, my evidence of the DV and Bills arrest from May 2011 were deemed too old!! So the prick got what he wanted. Finally he had a piece of paper that helped him feel more in control. It's a severe travesty and a slap in the face to all those who really are affected by Domestic Violence. That's just one example of his vindictive evilness!

"NARCISSISTS AND RULES/LAWS THEY IGNORE"

***The following statement is attached to papers filed in an upcoming hearing in which I'm seeking $10,+++ in back support that Bill Connearney illegally withheld over a period of 2 years. Mainly this paper says a lot re: his character (or lack thereof). The Narcissistic personality seems to think they can follow or ignore rules/laws as they choose. He spent so much time putting me down. While I was typing this out, the fact he's an habitual liar jumps out at me repeatedly. It reinforces that I shouldn't ever allow anything he said to occupy space in my brain. As the years passed, I did evolve into someone I didn't like at times. I had a short fuse with Bill and the smallest issue could set me off in a huge way. Looking back, all the years of being devalued, ignored, abused, minimized, had consequences. For too long, I kept pushing my own thoughts, needs, and desires to the bottom of the pile. I should never have accepted that from Bill or anyone. Apparently my subconscious knew all along it was bullshit! Obviously, my frustrations stayed deep inside building up over time. Like a closet that can only hold so much stuff, years of held back emotions wouldn't be denied.**** Mr. Connearney says I agreed to a $400 a month fee re: the Chrysler. This is untrue. I agreed to give him a credit since he was paying the car loan at the time. Mr. Connearney forfeited that credit when he illegally cashed out community property in September of 2011 and paid off the same car loan. He also illegally signed my name to tax returns for 2011 to escape the tax penalty for the early cash out. Even though I had no benefit/profit/ or knowledge of the money at the time. I was unaware of what he'd done till the following spring when he had to disclose these facts in court documents. Mr. Connearney hasn't paid me court ordered spousal support since April 2013. He mailed me a paper on 4/17 claiming illness before cashing in the remaining 401k account, paying off his debt and moving to Mass. His Facebook page shows his intentions of relocating to MA as early as Jan 2013. In Jan 2013 his financial statement filed with the court shows debt of nearly $30,000 yet in a newer statement he mailed to me in June of this year, his debt is listed at $6,000 ? How else did he pay off his debt but, with money from the 401k account that as per this courts order and judgement belonged in part to me. Mr. Connearney sent one check in the amount of $10,000 at the end of May. He still owes me $17,314 per this courts order on Jan 4th of this year. Mr. Connearney has thumbed his nose up at the court. Ignoring several directives to pay me. Now he's relocated back to MA. Apparently, based on him no longer paying the Spousal support ordered, he assumes he's escaped this courts judgement and jurisdiction. He received credit towards half the community debt yet, he's once again cashed out and used community funds to pay off that debt! Meanwhile, I'm owed the majority of the property settlement I was granted in this courtroom. It seems Mr. Connearney and only Mr. Connearney decides which financial obligations he'll honor and pay off. I tracked down his new employer when he first left CA. it was in fact Ricoh USA which is country wide. On May 17th of this year I faxed the wage assignment signed by this court to the head of that dept. when I called 6 days later to follow up, I was informed that the computer showed him as a former employee. Mr. Connearney never worked for Ricoh during our marriage though he coveted employment with them for many years. It is my contention that Mr. Connearney quit his new position in order to escape from the wage assignment order. If Mr. Connearney was sick, as he claims to be in the statement mailed to me on April 15th, why didn't he bring that to the courts attention on April 3rd when he tried for the third time to have this court modify the support order? I assume a Dr made the diagnosis? Mr. Connearney cancelled my car insurance on 5/9/13 which he received a $500 credit for from this court in the divorce settlement. Insurance he was ordered to provide until Dec 2013. He in fact received a $500 refund from the insurance company upon the cancellation of the policy. Contrary to the courts orders, Mr. Connearney had informed me in Feb of 2013 that in order to receive my own policy, I'd in fact have to pay for it and be reimbursed by him after the fact. I was quoted a cost of $500. by the adjuster. Given my financial situation, this was not possible. Mr. Connearney claims he shouldn't have to pay back support for the months of Feb 2011-Aug2011 since I had moved in with him. I submit to this court the following true facts: 1) Mr. Connearney called me the night of Feb 4 2011. I'd just been granted the support order of $1599/month. He stated that he'd be unable to pay me and maintain his apt. He suggested that I move in, we cancel the divorce, and work together to try and get Ahmi back. He further stated that he'd consider the $1599 support order payment towards "your room and board." 2) Despite his many requests, I never cancelled the divorce papers because I didn't really trust Mr. Connearney. As it turns out he was secretly recording conversations between the two of us, talking behind my back to the social worker, etc... His sole motivation the Spring and Summer of 2011 apparently was trying to find a way out of paying the support order. I did credit him $1200 a month for this time period in my filing for arrearage. 3) He tried to kill me in May 2011. The only reason I remained after that incident was the Drs orders to stay off my leg for what turned out to be 3 months due to a torn ACL and Meniscus. I had a severe devastating injury. I simply had no where else to go. Since he'd cancelled my health insurance effective Jan 2011 I also went months w/out an MRI or proper medical care. I went to the neighborhood clinic once a month and although the Dr. did the best she could re: my diagnosis and care, it was hampered by the fact she had no diagnostic tools available. Mr. Connearney refused to pay for the bills that were accumulated from this time period. Nearly 3,500 including the ambulance. He later said I should have refused the EMTs and Police when they suggested taking me to the hospital. Even though my leg had a serious injury and would not support me following his attempt on my life. Which he was arrested for that morning. 3) Mr. Connearney further states I'm not entitled to the support because I didn't seek employment. This is another false statement. I had in fact been hired towards the end of March 2011 as a substitute teacher by HeadStart. The last thing that was required before active employment was a physical examination. Obtaining one was hampered by his cancellation of my health insurance at the start of 2011. After his attempt on my life in early May 2011 I was under strict Drs. orders to stay off my leg. My injury was severe and it took months to heal. I was unable to walk, bend, stretch, run, etc... for 6 months without crutches and/or a leg brace due exclusively to the actions of Mr. William Francis Connearney ! I'm traveling to MA in a weeks time (7/16/13) to file documents with the MA courts. It is my intention that Mr. Connearney be held accountable for his debt to me. I pray this courts assistance to that end through it's granting of a judgement in my favor. I swear under penalty of perjury, under the laws of the state of California, the statements above are the truth.

"DECEIT, LIES, ABUSE, VIA BILL CONNEARNEY"

Jan 2011 I filed for divorce and for a support order. I was desperately trying to get my girl back and doing whatever the wrecker had told me towards that end. It was all for nothing. I found out later, the bitch already had her plan in place. She was a two faced backstabbing bitch who didn't have the decency to be honest and up front with me. Anyways, that's all water under the bridge and covered elsewhere so, back to Bill. In early Feb 2011 I was granted an order of support. Bill was stunned! I actually thought he was going to cry. He'd been sure I'd be turned down. It was obvious he'd never considered for a moment that I'd get a judgement. That night he called me and says, "look there's no way I can afford to pay you and my rent. Come move in, we'll cancel the divorce, and work together to try and get Ahmi back. I'll consider the $1599. room and board." Although, there was a part of me that knew it wasn't a good idea. I'd just lost her officially in court about a week earlier. I had a lot of resentment towards Bill re: the loss. I feared the anger and resentment would overtake me eventually. Resulting in an explosive situation. There was another side of me that thought, maybe it would help to be around someone who knew and (supposedly) loved her. I was slipping into the darkest cave of depression by this time. The grief was overwhelming. I desperately needed someone to validate and understand my pain. So, in the end, I let him talk me into it. His understanding and support lasted all of 2 weeks! I was slipping deeper and deeper into a black hole. I couldn't shower, eat, sleep. All I could do was cry. I wondered often, how the hell the tears continued to fall. Anyways, Bills supportive statement? "Suck it up and move on!" Pretty much a cold hearted bastard right? Believe it or not, he was just getting started! I would find out a year later, that he secretly recorded a conversation that took place right after I moved in. On the tape I'm crying and repeating over and over, "please get my baby back..." Bill is feeding me questions, "what are you going to do if I don't? What was it you said? Did you say you'd shoot me in the head?" I'd just suffered the devastating loss of my girl and this devious, piece of shit is exploiting my grief, putting words in my mouth, secretly recording the conversation! This is the tape he'd play more than a year later in court to get his bullshit order of protection! Anyways, during this same time period he began bugging me about canceling the papers. Something I kept putting off. Turns out that was the smartest decision on my part. Looking back, I have no doubt whatsoever that had I cancelled those papers, he'd have been at the courthouse the day after refiling as the petitioner! It drove him up the wall that I was the petitioner and not him. Bill always wants to be in control. It stuck in his gut that he had to file as Respondent. No matter if he was filing an action or answering mine. He even wrote it the wrong way on one set of papers and the court made him correct it. Knowing him like I do, that absolutely was very hard for him to swallow! For the first time in 23 years, I was in the drivers seat. He wasn't happy about it. Just how pissed off he was would soon be revealed. His attempt to kill me was coming soon. I'm sure however, even before that, right from the start. He asked me to move in and already had a plan in mind to destroy me. All because I had the nerve to seek an order of support from the court and worst of all, it was granted!