"THANK YOU RASCAL FLATTS"

During the more challenging times of my separation and divorce, "Stand" became my anthem. When I felt self pity or despair I would loop this song over and over. It gave me strength, determination, motivation and the courage to keep on going. I will be forever grateful to Rascal Flatts. They will never know the difference this song made to my very survival. I will carry it with me the rest of my days. I am a survivor and I celebrate myself and this song that inspired me through some very, very dark times. Music can help. I pray you all find your individual anthems. Until next time, peace, love and respect. :)

"INTRINSIC AND EXTRINSIC VALUE"

For the majority of my life I sought acceptance, validation, and approval from extrinsic (outside) sources. I believe this led to much disappointment and at times treatment from others that was not okay. Case in point, William Seamus McDonald aka William Francis Connearney aka Bill. I took to heart every evil nasty thing he said to me over the years. When you are told enough that you don't measure up...Believe me, you start to live it. Eventually you accept abusive behavior as something that you deserve. I am so proud of the woman I have become! The woman I am today requires no outside approval, acceptance, or validation! It 100% comes from within! I wish I had adequate words to describe the peace, empowerment, happiness that is a solid part of me 24/7. I am no longer a doormat. I easily shut down and walk away from abusive and hurtful words. If I could bottle this and give it away, I would in a heartbeat. To confidently know to the depths of my soul that I will never be treated poorly by anyone again in my lifetime, that I only require my own validation is the most liberating feeling imaginable. For the rest of my life, I will speak up for myself, I will draw firm boundaries, I will accept nothing less than to be treated in the manner I deserve. If someone can't respect that, they will be in my rear view. I no longer weigh my value based on others. I am free. Till next time, hugs to you and be good to yourself. xo

"SUCCESSFUL SPRING"

Yesterday was the last day of a successful semester. I feel like I'm on top of the world! My life is truly on the right path and I am moving at long last in the direction I should be. Out of the challenges and trials of the past few years since my separation and divorce a Phoenix has been born! I am so blessed! I have added "Phoenix" to my name on social media because it truly fits. I'm even thinking of having one tattooed on the back of my shoulder. I walked through the fires of hell that William Francis Connearney aka William Seamus McDonald lit around me and I rose from the flames and ashes of my old life. I am stronger, more confident and it is empowering! Out of 25 years of hell, I have truly gained so much! The greatest thing has been my return to school. Fulfilling my life long dream of becoming a writer feels so awesome! Thanks to my survival, I have my genre and tons of material. Writing self help/motivational books for women is what I'm meant to do! For a long time after Bill tried to kill me, I couldn't believe that I actually survived. I asked myself, how? Why? I am finally 100% sure I now have the answer. God gave me a gift and I now know to the depths of my soul what he meant for me to do with that gift. Earning my degree, fine tuning that talent feels so right. Thank you God for all you have given and shown me! I am so blessed! Till next time, love and respect yourself. Peace :)

"I MAY NOT BE PERFECT"

Half way down the blog on the side there is a yellow card. "I may not be perfect but, at least I'm not fake!" I embrace that saying and I live it! I own my mistakes and my failures. They made me who I am. I've been accused of being too honest by my son. That's something I take as a compliment. When you say what you mean and mean what you say, it's liberating. For too many years I didn't have the confidence to speak up for myself. I suppressed a lot of feelings. I only hurt myself. These days, I speak my mind and I don't care who likes it or not. I lose no sleep at night. Giving yourself childish nicknames, lying about yourself on dating sites, covering up your past with a name change, etc...What does that bring you in the end? Nothing real or long lasting. I am so ready to meet someone and build a relationship. Unlike other people, I am honest to a fault. Because I believe someone who can't or won't accept the whole honest package of me doesn't deserve even a sampling of the woman that I am. Strong, honest, loving, beautiful, loyal, respectful, fun, positive, and REAL! Until next time, take care of and love yourself!

Edit 5/14/16** You have no kids Bill! Remember? Your secret vasectomy took care of that. Stop claiming MY son! You think MY son is going to back you up when your girlfriend wants to meet him and his family? MY son! MY granddaughters! You lost all rights in the divorce! You were a stepfather. It's over now! Go to "church" and pray about it! Hahaha You've found religion?! That's rich! How often did I hear you put religion down over the years? "Religion is a fairytale for weak minded people" Too much to count accurately! Suddenly you've had an epiphany?! Fraud!

"I SAW YOU TODAY"

I happened to see Bill today. It was something I could have lived without. Following is the internal conversation between my head and my heart.
Heart: OMG there's Bill!
Head: So what? Yesterday's leftovers.
Heart: He's wearing a blue shirt. Remember what that does to his eyes?
Head: Yes, so? Remember the black heart within?
Heart: Being with him was predictable and familiar.
Head: Yes predictably boring, depressing, and hurtful.
Heart: I miss intimacy
Head: I don't miss or need superficial intimacy.
Heart: It's been a long time since someone has held me.
Head: I now know that he's a horrible lover. 10 minutes of no big deal. I have knowledge and experience that I didn't have before.
Heart: I'm tired of being patient. I want to open my heart to someone special. I want to build something new.
Head: Be patient. You walked down that broken road long enough. Don't think about that dead end. A worthy man is out
there. Never, ever settle! William Francis Connearney aka William Seamus McDonald didn't deserve me when he had me. He still is unworthy. He hasn't changed, I have. I'm worth so much more than he will ever be! Give it time!

**EDIT 5/8/16** Since my separation and divorce I have done a lot of work on the inner me. Going back to school and working towards my degree is a huge step in self empowerment. I have truly grown and found a me within the mix that I never dreamed existed. I'm at peace. I'm stronger and happier than I ever gave myself credit for. I also look for the positive in life these days. During my marriage, I was the polar opposite. However, I was married for 25 years. My head 100% knows I'm in a better place. Old habits (long-term marriages) are like a worn pair of shoes. Comfortable but, not always the best choice. My heart apparently still has that lingering habit. I continue to work on completely breaking it. The important thing is my head is in a good place and as long as I reason with logic instead of emotion, I'll be okay

"THINK WITH OUR HEADS NOT OUR HEARTS"

I believe I have always had a tendency to think with my emotions and my heart. These days, after a lot of personal experience and growth, I think with my head and logic. Occasionally when my heart tries to mourn what should have been, my head and logic keeps me grounded in reality. I know 100% that William Seamus McDonald will never ever change. I've seen proof of that on his dating profile. Reading it brought an instant reaction of pity and gratitude. Pity that he has learned nothing. Full of lies. It is the same old, same old. Gratitude that I not only escaped but, have grown and changed. As women in toxic relationships we may think/hope that we can change things. That we can fix what's wrong. Thoughts along these lines will only hurt us and hold us back. We can't fix broken or someone who doesn't want or desire change. We have absolutely no control over anyone but, ourselves! There is hope for ourselves! All it requires is strength, courage, and determination. The very first step is under our control. We must decide once and for all that, there is no reset button. Every one deserves to be valued and loved. Lately I've been thinking I'm ready to meet someone. I've also realized this time there are specific personality traits required. If I don't meet the right person, I won't settle!

"CELEBRATE"

When you find the strength and courage to make a change in your life overall, CELEBRATE! Throughout the road of healing ahead of you there is so much that you can and should.

Celebrate:
Recovering your true self.
Not being disrespected, devalued, and demeaned.
Rediscovering the happiness and positive in life again.
Living without abuse.
Being happy and at peace.
Finding your voice again.

Remember, life goes by in the blink of an eye. There is no reset button. We owe it to ourselves to get the most and the best out of it because we can't mulligan it. We deserve in return all that we give in this life. If you're in a relationship where you give and give and give some more and get nothing in return...Odds are, it's not where you should be! We all deserve respect, love, commitment, honesty, and happiness. Love yourselves enough to know that 100% Till next time, Health, Love, and Happiness! :)

"EMOTIONAL VAMPIRES"

Narcissists are in my opinion, the equivalent of emotional vampires. Stay with one long enough and they suck your emotional soul from you! Putting their needs and wants ahead of your own, bending over backwards to prevent the sword in their mouths from cutting you down with the verbal garbage they spew so well. Over time you start to believe their mental brainwashing. That you're not good enough. That it's always your fault. The anxiety and depression overwhelms you. You become a shattered soul. Maybe as in my case you become a raging bitch. Which only reinforces the screwed up messages they've painstakingly been laying down. You may begin to question your sanity. By the end of our marriage, I totally believed William Seamus McDonald aka William Francis Connearney's bullshit. I actually was convinced "I was a wretched bitch, that it all was my fault, that I was unlovable, etc..." Therapy was my savior! When you leave one of these emotional vampire's, it's so important to seek help from a therapist. The truth was, I did have issues within myself to work through. After all, would a healthy human being put up with abusive garbage for 25 years? NO! Because of therapy I realized, not only did I metaphorically marry my mother attempting to work out long ago issues from childhood, Bill was just as much to blame in the destruction of our marriage.

I truly was able to learn and believe that Bill was full of shit! It takes 2 to screw up a relationship! He was a TERRIBLE partner! Even though he will never admit it, it's enough that I now know it. That I no longer carry that shame and guilt. No matter what you say, no matter what you do, YOU CAN NEVER PLEASE A NARCISSIST! There was never anything wrong with my communication skills! That guilt alone tormented me for so long. I felt so inadequate. I doubted myself for so long. It was a beautiful moment in my healing to realize, it never mattered what I said or how I said it, BILL NEVER CARED! I am a great communicator! The problem was him all along! NARCISSISTS ARE HORRIBLE RECEIVERS! No matter what you say or how you say it, they will NEVER receive it! One actually has to care about other people's wants and needs to respect other's wants and needs. Narcissists have no such capability. Until next time, peace, love and respect yourself. :)

"LIFE LESSONS"

I have learned so much and come so far over the past 4 years. I've learned that I'm stronger than I ever thought or gave myself credit for. I have walked through the fires of hell and survived! I persevered through horrendous situations and I landed on my feet! I'm rebuilding my life from the bottom up and it feels GREAT! Brand new car, brand new job, and best of all...I've returned to school and am loving every moment. In 2 years after I've earned my degree in English, I hope to realize a life long dream of writing. Now that I have a definite genre in mind, I will do it! My future is bright and it belongs to me, myself, and I!

At this moment in time, meeting someone is the last thing on my mind. However, someday I know exactly what qualities he must possess. He must be able to see the positive and absolutely must love to laugh! He must be intellectual. Gift of debate...big plus! He must be honest and empathetic! I've done the abusive, egotistical, narcissist. No more of that crap! EVER! If I meet someone someday when the time is right, cool. If not, oh well. The main point is I will never allow someone like Bill Connearney aka William Seamus McDonald to EVER poison my life again! Life lesson learned!

Life is happy and peaceful! I will never give that away to someone so undeserving again. Anyone can achieve this happiness. All it takes is strength, determination, courage, and time. I can attest 100% it is worth it! Peace and love to all my readers! :)

"UNFORTUNATE RESULTS"

William Seamus Connearney aka William Francis Connearney raised my son from the age of 5. Unfortunately, my son picked up a few bad behaviors during his childhood. He has the tendency to try and project his bad decisions onto others. Tries to excuse bad choices. Tries to downplay my feelings. Fortunately, he does have empathy for others. Does eventually admit he's wrong and owns up to it. He also truly loves others more than himself. Also, fortunately, I have done a lot of healing and work on the inner me. I do now know how to set firm boundaries regarding behavior I will not tolerate from anyone. I am so thankful that because there is no biological connection...there is hope. New behaviors and habits take time to root. I will never give up on achieving that with my son. The moral of this posting, please be careful and choosy about whom or what you expose your children to. It will have long term repercussions. I love you Chris!

"THE BIGGEST LAUGH"

The other night I was looking through the matches my dating app had suggested. I came across your picture. I laughed and laughed! Out of curiosity, I looked at your profile. I found the same old tired bullshit! How sad that you haven't had any kind of wake up to reality. Good luck in your search. I really mean that. The fact is you will spend your life searching for something that simply doesn't exist. I put up with you way longer than any woman in her right mind would. Once upon a time I loved you with all I had. Then the years of being put down, called names, feeling no validation or respect from you took hold and turned me into a depressed, anxious, raging bitch. I wish you well but, the truth is, you already had the best you ever will. You had no appreciation or gratefulness. Empty people can never be filled. Not in a meaningful way! I'm so sorry for you. Good luck though. :(

"I AM SO GRATEFUL"

This morning I was reflecting on the upcoming holiday season. I realized how truly grateful I am towards William Seamus McDonald formally known as William Francis Connearney. I appreciate him and am so grateful for all he has given me. So without further ado.

Dear Bill, Thank you for wanting a divorce. Since our divorce and my healing journey, I have found a self confidence and self esteem higher than ever in my whole life! I am so grateful! No one puts me down or calls me filthy names. No one attacks my self confidence. I am so grateful. Where I was once chronically depressed and anxious, I am now infused with happiness and a positive attitude that has effected every aspect of my life in an upbeat way. I am so grateful! These days I only allow nontoxic people in my life. Today I understand setting clear boundaries. I am respected, valued, and loved. I am so grateful! In September of 2011 I was so broken. At the lowest point of my life, I began hanging out with the wrong people. People who used me, stole from me, and were generally going down the wrong path in life. For the first time in my life I began getting in trouble, I just simply didn't care for 2 years. Then one day, I woke up, looked around and my eyes were finally opened. I walked away from the people and the path I had detoured on. I began to embrace therapy, my 2nd chance, my freedom. I am so grateful. 4 years in and I could not be happier! My life is my own. I am trying to pay it forward. I have even once again quit smoking! Yay for me! This time I know I won't start again. Thank you Bill. For showing me how I should never be spoken to, disrespected, or abused...I am so grateful!

"HAPPY 51ST BIRTHDAY WILLIAM SEAMUS MCDONALD formally known as WILLIAM FRANCIS CONNEARNEY"

Well 4 birthdays now that we've spent alone. No big deal! Lord knows, that even though mine is only 6 days after you, not once did you ever remember mine! Anyways, I'd like to take this occasion to thank you. Four years ago on 9/15/2011 when we split for the final time, I thought my life was over. I'd lost Ahmi my heart and soul and you. I thought I'd hit the bottom. Little did I know, you were just getting started. Trying to kill me in May of 2011 was just the beginning for you. Starting that September and continuing throughout the 2 years of our separation, you gave it your all in trying to destroy me. You pulled out every filthy thing you could trying to crush me! As I look back on the last 4 years, I'm proud, grateful, and so blessed! Despite your greatest efforts, I've survived, thrived, regained who I once was! Alone I walked through the fires of your hell AND CAME OUT STRONG! I survived abuse, lies, loneliness, anger, fear, pain, devastating sorrow, devaluation and hatred. I emerged a strong, loving, and compassionate survivor! That feeling is PRICELESS! I'm sure that you are exactly as you were. As you'll always be. How sad is that? Thank you for the gifts you've given me. Because you trying your best to destroy me...Turned out to be the greatest gift you ever gave me! Happy Birthday William Seamus McDonald formally William Francis Connearney!

"MY HEALING JOURNEY"

As each day passes, I am more grateful and more proud. I look back on what I've endured. What I've overcome. What I've learned along the way. I accept and own my mistakes and my choices. I forgive myself for putting up with abusive behavior. For accepting that which should never be accepted by ANYONE! With every test and challenge I've faced and overcome since 9-15-2011, I've come to realize I am strong! Stronger than I ever realized or gave myself credit for. That is empowering!

"That which does not kill us, makes us Stronger.-Friedrich Nietzsche"

So very, very true! More than a few times, since I survived William Connearney's aka William Seamus McDonald's attempt to crush my windpipe with his thumbs in May 2011, I've questioned how, why? I'm so very grateful to be alive. However, I don't truly know how it happened! I couldn't get his hands off my neck that morning. I'd given up, accepted my impending death, and began to say goodbye to loved ones in my head. When the blackness began to invade my brain some hidden strength came from within, and with one last effort, I was able to breathe! Recently, I've found my purpose and in doing so, have answered my own questions. This blog was the first step in taking my voice back and towards healing. Starting a supportive community for others leaving, living, recovering from toxicity is my final step. If I can inspire, support, encourage one person to seek a happier, healthier future for themselves, I'm good with that! These days, I know my strengths and my weaknesses. I can and will set firm boundaries. I will NEVER allow any kind of abuse in my life AGAIN! I don't know what my future will hold however, I know 100% it will hold better than what I allowed in my past. Although, I'm not ready/looking for a relationship any time soon, If and when it happens, I know it will be RIGHT for me!

"WILLIAM SEAMUS MCDONALD"

On June 9th William Francis Connearney became William Seamus McDonald! I have just 2 questions: Does an innocent man change his name after 50 years to escape lies? Or does he do all he can legally to have said lies/slander removed?

"THIS IS THE REALITY"

People who've never lived with abuse have a hard time understanding why someone would stay. They think they have all the answers. "I'd just leave. I wouldn't put up with that. Etc..." Until they've walked a mile in someone else's reality, they'd do better to hold their tongue. Victims stay for a variety of reasons: fear of retaliation, the unknown, being alone. They may think the situation is the best there's going to be. They may believe they deserve it. They may be embarassed to admit to family and friends that their personal lives are hell. They may not have the resources and support system needed to leave. It may be a combination of any and all of the above. The important thing is, don't ever blame the victim! When and if they find the strength and courage to make that step, be supportive. If it's you living through this hell, when you find your strength, God bless you! I pray that someone is there for you as support and that you can lean on them. It's not easy. I did a lot of it on my own. All I can say is be good to yourself, love yourself, be strong! When your mind starts drifting back to your old life, dwelling on the good times, shut it down! Commit yourself to at least 2 years of being free. Make it about yourself. Your children if you have any. If you make it through 2 years of a healing journey, it will be easier. I promise you. Not to say that will magically be the end. No, there will still be recovery time to put in. However, by the end of 2 years, the past will be far enough in your rearview that you will be able to carry on with you and yours. The journey to a much better future will be closer than the hell you left behind. I wish you well. Happiness and respect! You are worth it. Life is too short. You can be a survivor! Peace and hugs, Lynn

"EMOTIONAL VAMPIRE"

January 9th 2013, I'd spent a good part of that day babysitting a friends 2 young children. I hadn't felt that great when I woke up that morning. By the evening, I was very sick with the flu I'd caught from the baby. High fever, body aches, chills, and a head that felt too heavy and big for my body. I couldn't stand the thought of sleeping in my car as sick as I was. I made the fateful decision to beg Bill Connearney for even a small part of the thousands that he owed me. At the time, he was acting very much like a prick re: paying me what he'd been told to by the Judge. However, still the optimist back then, I called him and explained how sick I was. I beg him for just enough to get a hotel room so I can lay down on a bed. ***Side note*** I found out recently that he totally lied on FB. Posting on his wall that I'd gone to his apartment, was screaming, banging his door, etc... Unequivocally, BULL SHIT!! I never went near his apartment that night! May I be struck down dead! I suppose the truth; that I'd called begging him for something of the money that he owed me. That I was very sick with the flu, would have exposed him as the A$$hole that he is. On the phone he say's,"Okay let me put some clothes on and I'll be there." I was still very much the idiot! Because next thing I know, the cops are behind my car (I was parked in a parking lot of a hotel I'd stayed at before). Now, I admit I did a very stupid thing. I put a pair of scissors to my throat and said I'd rather die than go to jail. Long story short, while one of the frucking pigs talked and pretended to be sympathetic to me, they busted out my front windows and tasered me. I get it, threatening your life in front of the cops isn't the smart thing to do. However, what kind of a complete scumbag piece of shit do you have to be to do what he did? All I wanted was some of my money so I could lie down on a bed. Yet, he sets me up and then lies about the whole incident on Facebook! Then, get this one, he has the balls to say I was released after serving 10 days of a 4 month sentence and that I'D BEEN TOLD TO ATTEND 52 WEEKS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE CLASSES!! Complete and utter BULLSHIT! 1st of all, I served 10 days as a violation. For calling him. 2nd of all, I've never been told to take DV classes! I have 52 weeks of counseling in order to heal myself. To explore why I allowed him to treat me so badly. Hopefully to avoid allowing anyone to treat me the way he did again. After all, I'm not the one who was arrested on a domestic violence charge. That would be Bill! I thought it was pathetic for him to even have the nerve to say that. He can lie all he wants, he knows somewhere inside where he hides the truth, that he's the abuser. He's also a better liar than I am. The only reason he has that stupid paper in the 1st place is because he's a great liar. He plays a great victim! His performances are Oscar worthy! "Oh, I'm such a good guy and she's such a bitch. Poor me! Boohoo!" He's so fake. The more I see from a distance, the more I realize, he's a nasty, mean, evil bastard! I'm so much better off without his poison in my life. I realize more every day that he completely sucked everything out of me. Everything always revolved around him. His wants, his needs, his moods, etc... He's an emotional vampire! I never realized how damaging it was until I was away from him.

"OH NO, OH NO, BACK TO COURT WE GO"

Strange, somehow I had thought when the divorce was final, we would be. Not so grasshopper. Seems Bill is never going to follow the courts orders willingly in regard to spousal support. That's why he's actively trying to trash me in the Massachusetts courts now that California courts have caught on to him! It's ridiculous that the sob thinks he's above the law! I've got news for him, I'm not giving up. About to file contempt charges and a small claims case against him. It sucks that I have to once again take up the courts time however, I won't give up! Bill is so freaking delusional! He seems to feel he can do whatever the hell he wants! He's tried and failed four times to have my spousal support cut off. This last time the Judge told him it wasn't going to happen. That he'd followed the guide lines and that was that. "Pay her" were his exact words. Bill Connearney has once again blown him off and it appears he has no intention of following the judges orders. Well time to instigate contempt charges. Maybe if his ass goes to jail, it will finally sink in!
p.s. If you're dating and or thinking about dating someone named Bill Connearney? If you goggled his name and you're now reading this wondering if he's one and the same? If he's covered with tattoos. If he has a brother Paul, 2 sisters Jean and Nancy, it's a match! Woman to woman, RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN! He may act charming and all that, IT'S ALL A LIE! He's an evil. selfish bastard! Beware! Condolences and best of luck to you!

"THE TRUTH IS THE TRUTH"

***WARNING STRONG LANGUAGE*** In all the years that Bill Connearney and I were together, he never took responsibility for his words or behavior. In Bill's world, there's no owning or apologizing. Instead apparently, you deny that it ever happened. Words of denial can rewrite the past. Wow! If it only were that easy! There's a few things I'd erase from my history if it only worked that way. I however, live in a true reality. I own my screw ups and bad choices. Good and bad, my past is my past. I recently was told Bill denied ever choking me. Accordingly, he never put his hands around my throat. Bill Connearney, you're a F@CKING scumbag LIAR! I was severely depressed. Devestated over the loss of MY girl. You were tired of me crying and grieving. You were telling me to leave at 2:30 in the morning. I was begging at least 5x for you to leave me alone. I tried to get a cigarette and go out onto the balcony to get away from you. When I was in the kitchen you wrapped your hands around my throat and tried to crush my windpipe with your thumbs! You took me to the floor and I tried to kick up at you, attempting to breathe. That's when you knelt on my right knee, forced it the wrong way into the floor, tearing my ACL and Meniscus. You came very close to taking my life. If I hadn't dug my nails into you out of desperation, I'd be dead! You know it, and I know it! You're a dirty F@CKING liar! The fact that you're lying about it, doesn't change it! Under penalty of Perjury and lawsuit, I declare the following to be the absolute truth! BILL CONNEARNEY TRIED TO KILL ME IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS OF MAY 5, 2011. He put his hands around my throat and attempted to crush my windpipe with his thumbs! He caused a horrible injury to my leg that took months to heal. The only reason I'm alive is my will to live kicked in at the last moment. I dug my nails into him and wouldn't let go. Bill Connearney you're an abusive, lying, scumbag, waste of life, attempted murderer! We reap what we sow. The time is coming very, very soon! Burn in hell!

"THE EVIL INSIDE"

This next posting jumps 23 years into the present. I'd thought to tell my story in an ordered fashion however, "the best laid plans..." Please forgive my jump ahead. The next few postings will be based on more recent events. I'm also going to mention incidents that occurred as they pertain to the posting. Although some I will elaborate on at a later time. So Bill moved out 8/1/10. Most weekends he still came to take Ahmi and the dogs to the beach. She looked forward to it all week. Although he sometimes came by to read her bedtime stories and tuck her in during the week, Saturday was her, "special time w/ Daddy." I was glad he did this. It was a routine she counted on, it was some continuity during a very confusing time for her. She loved Bill and he seemed to care about her. Until that late summer, early fall in 2010, she'd thrived having 2 parents who doted on her, a routine she counted on, and all the love and attention she needed. Having studied child development in school, I know that, it is important that children have both a Mom and Dad involved in their lives. Dads contribute to their children's lives in a much different but, equally important way than Moms do. Research has shown children who have no Dad involved in their upbringing are at greater risk for, delinquency, drug use, teenage pregnancy https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/usermanuals/fatherhood/chaptertwo.cfm Anyways, I'd always respected how Ahmi felt about Bill and the relationship she had w/ him. Never talked negative about him, etc... Not long after he moved out, I became aware that in response to Ahmi's natural questions re: him not living with us anymore, he was telling her, "it's because Mommy is evil that I can't live with you baby." What kind of a selfish bastard say's things like that to a 3 year old? Despite my repeated requests that he not put her in the middle, that he stop saying inappropriate things to her, he wouldn't. His mouth vomiting bullshit was apparently more important than what was best for Ahmi. One weekend he was mad at me and didn't show to pick her up. She didn't say much but, was very quiet. As the weekend went on, I could see her pain. She was easily moved to tears which was very unlike her. On Sunday I tried and tried to call Bill. He refused to answer the phone until late afternoon. I told him it really sucked that he was punishing Ahmi because he was mad at me. I didn't have to speak to him or even look at him. He just couldn't get it that he was punishing Ahmi. That she was hurting. All the selfish bastard could say was that he was p.o'd at me. That it had "nothing to do with Ahmi." Yet, he professed to love her so much! SMUCK! I hated him for hurting her like that! Later when we lost her, she'd repeated his "Mommy's evil statements" to the social worker, he acknowledged to them it hadn't been right to say that but, he didn't mean it or care! He said what they expected him to say, not what he believed! Typical Bill Connearney always putting his wants and needs at the top of the priority list!