"APPRECIATION, FORGIVENESS, MOVING ON"

Dear Bill Connearny,

I'd like to thank you for: Moving me to San Diego. Although the first year was tough, I grew to love it and I'm grateful that I spent my adult years here. For Patches. It truly touched my heart that you heard my offhand comment and went out and bought him for me. He was the best bunny and I loved him. For being there during my surgeries. I know taking time off of work isn't an easy choice for you. I appreciated the support during those challenges. I'm still embarrassed re: the ketchup bottle. I truly didn't mean for it to shatter. You were very patient. The Christmas that I became so deathly sick? I don't remember much of that time. I do remember you getting me cleaned up after work each day. Thank you for the 3 days of nursing that you gave me. Thank you for the greatest gift of all. Supporting my fostering. I know you thought I'd get it out of my system and that would be that. However, buying and setting up the nursery, coming to the cpr class, etc... I had the greatest gift in knowing, loving, and nurturing the greatest little girl ever born. My time was too brief with her but, I know she and I will meet again.

I forgive you for: getting a vasectomy behind my back and lying about it. I forgive you for always having to get your way. You are a selfish s.o.b. but, I stayed and put up with it. I forgive myself for that. I forgive you for the 3 severe beatings I suffered at your hands. The 12 days I lost due to my black eyes when you punched me in the face 3 times. When I had to stay home and hide what you had done. Even the last time when you almost killed me because I wouldn't leave at 2:30 in the morning. When I was so devastated and depressed over Ahmi that all I did was cry 24/7. Sorry I couldn't "just suck it up and move on." When my plea for you to just leave me alone resulted in your hands around my throat. Your thumbs trying to crush my windpipe. When you messed up my leg so bad I couldn't walk without pain for 6 months. One thing I'm sure of, no man will EVER put their hands on me again and remain free. Their ass will be in a cage within the hour. I forgive myself that your ass isn't rotting in prison. Letting you get away with attempted murder was not my finest moment. You tried to kill me but, I survived! I'm not afraid of much these days. I'm a hell of a lot stronger than I ever thought I was. I forgive all the put downs, the evil talk, the devaluing, and the dismissals. Because I now know, you are full of shit! You're not a healthy person. In the end, your opinions mean nothing. I know inside now, it takes 2 and I'm okay and getting stronger every day. It no longer matters that you take no responsibility. I no longer need your validation. You never will be healthy. I know that now. That's truly pitiful.

I'm grateful that: I no longer have to walk on egg shells. That I no longer slam my head into cement walls to release the anxiety, frustration, and stress I was living with. I'm grateful that I didn't cause serious damage to myself. As I had no sense of pain during those awful times. I'm grateful that your toxicity is gone from my life. That I'm no longer devalued, dismissed, denied a voice. That I no longer live with your passive/aggressive behavior. That I'm spared your criticisms. That I no longer have to listen to your constant exaggerations or bear witness to the victim act you play so well.

I'm continuing to work on forgiving you for: Turning your back on Ahmi. In the end, much too little, much too late. Your betrayal of me re: Genny Wrocklage. You threw me under the bus. 2 back stabbing, lying, little bitches! In the end, my first blog exposed her lying ass and stained her career. She's actually not a social wrecker anymore. Maybe I did some good after all. At least she no longer damages children! This blog exposes you as the devil from hell that you are! Too bad whining to Judge Brown got you no where! Sorry 100% true story of my life. I will continue to post and this blog will outlast both of us! I love the first amendment. God bless America! I don't regret warning T### about you. She seems very nice. After all she's survived, she didn't need your crap polluting her life. For the record, I didn't "wreck your life." You did with your lies! I told the truth! Something you know nothing about! The difference between the 2 of us? I had the proof to back up my words. When you tell the truth, life's a whole lot easier. Something you'll never understand. I am still working on trying to forgive you for the filthy lies you told in order to get your fake r.o. You've disrupted my life for 2 and 1/2 years. Took away my livelihood. Working with children is what I was born to do. You selfishly took that from me. Because of your sick need to be in control. Well, that ends in February. Thank God you admitted under oath during the divorce trial your illegal action re: the "evidence" If you even think about taking any action on the expiration of the fraud... Let's just say, I'm no longer suffering from major depression. Bring it on... You don't even get that the order of spousal support with no expiration was most likely to punish you. Judge Brown saw quite clearly in the end who the problem was. Who was continually lying to him. One day you will be nothing more than a passing shadow of a thought. On that day I will know that I am 100% finally free. You did your best in trying to destroy me and you failed! I have come through hell and I am stronger than I ever knew. You are the same old, same old. How sad is that? I pity and pray for you. Enjoy your empty life.

"NARCISSISTS AND RULES/LAWS THEY IGNORE"

***The following statement is attached to papers filed in an upcoming hearing in which I'm seeking $10,+++ in back support that Bill Connearney illegally withheld over a period of 2 years. Mainly this paper says a lot re: his character (or lack thereof). The Narcissistic personality seems to think they can follow or ignore rules/laws as they choose. He spent so much time putting me down. While I was typing this out, the fact he's an habitual liar jumps out at me repeatedly. It reinforces that I shouldn't ever allow anything he said to occupy space in my brain. As the years passed, I did evolve into someone I didn't like at times. I had a short fuse with Bill and the smallest issue could set me off in a huge way. Looking back, all the years of being devalued, ignored, abused, minimized, had consequences. For too long, I kept pushing my own thoughts, needs, and desires to the bottom of the pile. I should never have accepted that from Bill or anyone. Apparently my subconscious knew all along it was bullshit! Obviously, my frustrations stayed deep inside building up over time. Like a closet that can only hold so much stuff, years of held back emotions wouldn't be denied.**** Mr. Connearney says I agreed to a $400 a month fee re: the Chrysler. This is untrue. I agreed to give him a credit since he was paying the car loan at the time. Mr. Connearney forfeited that credit when he illegally cashed out community property in September of 2011 and paid off the same car loan. He also illegally signed my name to tax returns for 2011 to escape the tax penalty for the early cash out. Even though I had no benefit/profit/ or knowledge of the money at the time. I was unaware of what he'd done till the following spring when he had to disclose these facts in court documents. Mr. Connearney hasn't paid me court ordered spousal support since April 2013. He mailed me a paper on 4/17 claiming illness before cashing in the remaining 401k account, paying off his debt and moving to Mass. His Facebook page shows his intentions of relocating to MA as early as Jan 2013. In Jan 2013 his financial statement filed with the court shows debt of nearly $30,000 yet in a newer statement he mailed to me in June of this year, his debt is listed at $6,000 ? How else did he pay off his debt but, with money from the 401k account that as per this courts order and judgement belonged in part to me. Mr. Connearney sent one check in the amount of $10,000 at the end of May. He still owes me $17,314 per this courts order on Jan 4th of this year. Mr. Connearney has thumbed his nose up at the court. Ignoring several directives to pay me. Now he's relocated back to MA. Apparently, based on him no longer paying the Spousal support ordered, he assumes he's escaped this courts judgement and jurisdiction. He received credit towards half the community debt yet, he's once again cashed out and used community funds to pay off that debt! Meanwhile, I'm owed the majority of the property settlement I was granted in this courtroom. It seems Mr. Connearney and only Mr. Connearney decides which financial obligations he'll honor and pay off. I tracked down his new employer when he first left CA. it was in fact Ricoh USA which is country wide. On May 17th of this year I faxed the wage assignment signed by this court to the head of that dept. when I called 6 days later to follow up, I was informed that the computer showed him as a former employee. Mr. Connearney never worked for Ricoh during our marriage though he coveted employment with them for many years. It is my contention that Mr. Connearney quit his new position in order to escape from the wage assignment order. If Mr. Connearney was sick, as he claims to be in the statement mailed to me on April 15th, why didn't he bring that to the courts attention on April 3rd when he tried for the third time to have this court modify the support order? I assume a Dr made the diagnosis? Mr. Connearney cancelled my car insurance on 5/9/13 which he received a $500 credit for from this court in the divorce settlement. Insurance he was ordered to provide until Dec 2013. He in fact received a $500 refund from the insurance company upon the cancellation of the policy. Contrary to the courts orders, Mr. Connearney had informed me in Feb of 2013 that in order to receive my own policy, I'd in fact have to pay for it and be reimbursed by him after the fact. I was quoted a cost of $500. by the adjuster. Given my financial situation, this was not possible. Mr. Connearney claims he shouldn't have to pay back support for the months of Feb 2011-Aug2011 since I had moved in with him. I submit to this court the following true facts: 1) Mr. Connearney called me the night of Feb 4 2011. I'd just been granted the support order of $1599/month. He stated that he'd be unable to pay me and maintain his apt. He suggested that I move in, we cancel the divorce, and work together to try and get Ahmi back. He further stated that he'd consider the $1599 support order payment towards "your room and board." 2) Despite his many requests, I never cancelled the divorce papers because I didn't really trust Mr. Connearney. As it turns out he was secretly recording conversations between the two of us, talking behind my back to the social worker, etc... His sole motivation the Spring and Summer of 2011 apparently was trying to find a way out of paying the support order. I did credit him $1200 a month for this time period in my filing for arrearage. 3) He tried to kill me in May 2011. The only reason I remained after that incident was the Drs orders to stay off my leg for what turned out to be 3 months due to a torn ACL and Meniscus. I had a severe devastating injury. I simply had no where else to go. Since he'd cancelled my health insurance effective Jan 2011 I also went months w/out an MRI or proper medical care. I went to the neighborhood clinic once a month and although the Dr. did the best she could re: my diagnosis and care, it was hampered by the fact she had no diagnostic tools available. Mr. Connearney refused to pay for the bills that were accumulated from this time period. Nearly 3,500 including the ambulance. He later said I should have refused the EMTs and Police when they suggested taking me to the hospital. Even though my leg had a serious injury and would not support me following his attempt on my life. Which he was arrested for that morning. 3) Mr. Connearney further states I'm not entitled to the support because I didn't seek employment. This is another false statement. I had in fact been hired towards the end of March 2011 as a substitute teacher by HeadStart. The last thing that was required before active employment was a physical examination. Obtaining one was hampered by his cancellation of my health insurance at the start of 2011. After his attempt on my life in early May 2011 I was under strict Drs. orders to stay off my leg. My injury was severe and it took months to heal. I was unable to walk, bend, stretch, run, etc... for 6 months without crutches and/or a leg brace due exclusively to the actions of Mr. William Francis Connearney ! I'm traveling to MA in a weeks time (7/16/13) to file documents with the MA courts. It is my intention that Mr. Connearney be held accountable for his debt to me. I pray this courts assistance to that end through it's granting of a judgement in my favor. I swear under penalty of perjury, under the laws of the state of California, the statements above are the truth.

"THE EVIL INSIDE"

This next posting jumps 23 years into the present. I'd thought to tell my story in an ordered fashion however, "the best laid plans..." Please forgive my jump ahead. The next few postings will be based on more recent events. I'm also going to mention incidents that occurred as they pertain to the posting. Although some I will elaborate on at a later time. So Bill moved out 8/1/10. Most weekends he still came to take Ahmi and the dogs to the beach. She looked forward to it all week. Although he sometimes came by to read her bedtime stories and tuck her in during the week, Saturday was her, "special time w/ Daddy." I was glad he did this. It was a routine she counted on, it was some continuity during a very confusing time for her. She loved Bill and he seemed to care about her. Until that late summer, early fall in 2010, she'd thrived having 2 parents who doted on her, a routine she counted on, and all the love and attention she needed. Having studied child development in school, I know that, it is important that children have both a Mom and Dad involved in their lives. Dads contribute to their children's lives in a much different but, equally important way than Moms do. Research has shown children who have no Dad involved in their upbringing are at greater risk for, delinquency, drug use, teenage pregnancy https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/usermanuals/fatherhood/chaptertwo.cfm Anyways, I'd always respected how Ahmi felt about Bill and the relationship she had w/ him. Never talked negative about him, etc... Not long after he moved out, I became aware that in response to Ahmi's natural questions re: him not living with us anymore, he was telling her, "it's because Mommy is evil that I can't live with you baby." What kind of a selfish bastard say's things like that to a 3 year old? Despite my repeated requests that he not put her in the middle, that he stop saying inappropriate things to her, he wouldn't. His mouth vomiting bullshit was apparently more important than what was best for Ahmi. One weekend he was mad at me and didn't show to pick her up. She didn't say much but, was very quiet. As the weekend went on, I could see her pain. She was easily moved to tears which was very unlike her. On Sunday I tried and tried to call Bill. He refused to answer the phone until late afternoon. I told him it really sucked that he was punishing Ahmi because he was mad at me. I didn't have to speak to him or even look at him. He just couldn't get it that he was punishing Ahmi. That she was hurting. All the selfish bastard could say was that he was p.o'd at me. That it had "nothing to do with Ahmi." Yet, he professed to love her so much! SMUCK! I hated him for hurting her like that! Later when we lost her, she'd repeated his "Mommy's evil statements" to the social worker, he acknowledged to them it hadn't been right to say that but, he didn't mean it or care! He said what they expected him to say, not what he believed! Typical Bill Connearney always putting his wants and needs at the top of the priority list!