"MY HEALING JOURNEY"

As each day passes, I am more grateful and more proud. I look back on what I've endured. What I've overcome. What I've learned along the way. I accept and own my mistakes and my choices. I forgive myself for putting up with abusive behavior. For accepting that which should never be accepted by ANYONE! With every test and challenge I've faced and overcome since 9-15-2011, I've come to realize I am strong! Stronger than I ever realized or gave myself credit for. That is empowering!

"That which does not kill us, makes us Stronger.-Friedrich Nietzsche"

So very, very true! More than a few times, since I survived William Connearney's aka William Seamus McDonald's attempt to crush my windpipe with his thumbs in May 2011, I've questioned how, why? I'm so very grateful to be alive. However, I don't truly know how it happened! I couldn't get his hands off my neck that morning. I'd given up, accepted my impending death, and began to say goodbye to loved ones in my head. When the blackness began to invade my brain some hidden strength came from within, and with one last effort, I was able to breathe! Recently, I've found my purpose and in doing so, have answered my own questions. This blog was the first step in taking my voice back and towards healing. Starting a supportive community for others leaving, living, recovering from toxicity is my final step. If I can inspire, support, encourage one person to seek a happier, healthier future for themselves, I'm good with that! These days, I know my strengths and my weaknesses. I can and will set firm boundaries. I will NEVER allow any kind of abuse in my life AGAIN! I don't know what my future will hold however, I know 100% it will hold better than what I allowed in my past. Although, I'm not ready/looking for a relationship any time soon, If and when it happens, I know it will be RIGHT for me!

"WILLIAM SEAMUS MCDONALD"

On June 9th William Francis Connearney became William Seamus McDonald! I have just 2 questions: Does an innocent man change his name after 50 years to escape lies? Or does he do all he can legally to have said lies/slander removed?

"DEAR BILL CONNEARNEY"

I've recently been made aware that my blog has had an effect on your life? That you've lost a girlfriend or 2? Want me to cry for you? Nope sorry! I'm glad that the truth has protected other innocent women from the cesspool that surrounds you. If my telling the truth helps one woman avoid the bullshit you will bring to her life, Glory Be! You're problem is you always acted like I was stupid. That my brain was inferior to yours. How wrong you were! Changing your online identity? How desperate is that? Your super ego apparently doesn't get that sooner or later, your true name will come up and it makes it look a lot worse in the long run. After all, clean, honest people have nothing to hide from! Unless you find some brain dead female, this blog will continue to be here. Waiting to expose you for what you are. An abusive, lying, Narcissist! I'm so stupid and inferior huh? Who's laughing now? Enjoy life, be well, keep those court ordered checks coming! Thanks for continually lying to Judge Brown. Justice is SO SWEET!

"VALIDATION"

Well the 4th of last month was the 2nd anniversary of the divorce. March 15th marks 3.5 years since our final split. The paper of fraud expired last Thursday. At long last, that lie is off me! All the times Bill Connearney told ME I was evil?! I now know that was the Narcissist projecting his own self onto me! When we first split it was very tough. I was obsessed with the need of hearing him finally taking responsibility and apologizing for the evil things he’d done. I fantasized that he’d come to me, admit how wrong he’d been, apologize and I’d tell him to go straight to hell. One day my therepist asked me, “what do you need in order to close the door and move on?” I had my standard answer, I needed Bill to own his responsibility and apologize. Then that wise man would ask, “what if that never happens, then what? How can Lynn be okay?”

It took a little more work yet, eventually I was able to let it go. All those years of his evil words, my self doubt and guilt, gone. I finally realized that all of the put downs, manipulations, selfishness, minimizing, those are the traits of the Narcissist! That is the core of who Bill Connearney is.That’s who HE is. Honestly, I can yell, I'm very passionate. Especially when I feel attacked or when I feel ignored, not heard. However, when I’m validated, heard, and respected, that trait is non existent. So many years of thinking I was communicating wrong. I thought there was something wrong with me. That if I could just find the right words, he’d finally listen, hear me, and understand. There would be no more built up stress and anger inside of me. I finally came to understand that was total bullshit! Narcissists know how to play the game of projection, manipulation, and victim!

I finally was able to accept that it NEVER mattered! Because he NEVER cared! I NEVER had a chance. I’ve learned since those days, I have great communication skills. I know how to listen and hear others! Narcissists could care less what you have to say because in their eyes, your wants, needs, and feelings mean nothing to them. Back in the early years of our marriage, he’d get upset and blow up about something. He wouldn’t talk to me for 2-4 days. I didn’t realize back then that’s passive aggressive behavior and it’s abusive. It was horrible walking around on eggshells. Many times I’d take Chris and go spend the night at a friends. The quiet was unbearably lonely. I fled that silence many times. Then he’d get over whatever his issue was and finally speak to me. However, one stipulation, there was no discussion, If I tried to discuss my thoughts, feelings, point of view, he shut me down. “I’m over that, forget about it I have.” 20+ years of no validation, respect, empathy, etc... No wonder my closet finally exploded and I turned into a raging bitch!

These days I know how to set firm boundaries. No one tells me my feelings are wrong. No one calls me filthy names or tries to brainwash me. No one puts their hands on me in anger. I don’t need anyone’s validation. I’m worthy, smart, honest, loyal, and I will accept nothing but, the same in return. Life isn’t always easy. sometimes it’s a freaking bitch, I’m so much better than I was. NEVER again will I be a doormat! GUESS WHAT BILL CONNEARNEY? YOU WERE WRONG! IT WASN’T ME, IT WAS YOU! I NO LONGER NEED YOU TO VALIDATE THAT. I KNOW IT’S TRUE. I’M GOOD WITH THAT! Stay healthy and well. I may love again, I will NEVER remarry! You did so many evil things to me. Trying your best to crush me. Even tried to kill me. I survived! I’ll NEVER let you off the hook! Pay back can be a bitch! Take that to your grave! It’s payback for all the evil, underhanded tricks and lies that you threw at me from Sept 2011 until Aug of 2013. How’s it working for you? I know every payday you get a little knife twist in your gut. Good! You reap what you sow baby!

"THIS IS THE REALITY"

People who've never lived with abuse have a hard time understanding why someone would stay. They think they have all the answers. "I'd just leave. I wouldn't put up with that. Etc..." Until they've walked a mile in someone else's reality, they'd do better to hold their tongue. Victims stay for a variety of reasons: fear of retaliation, the unknown, being alone. They may think the situation is the best there's going to be. They may believe they deserve it. They may be embarassed to admit to family and friends that their personal lives are hell. They may not have the resources and support system needed to leave. It may be a combination of any and all of the above. The important thing is, don't ever blame the victim! When and if they find the strength and courage to make that step, be supportive. If it's you living through this hell, when you find your strength, God bless you! I pray that someone is there for you as support and that you can lean on them. It's not easy. I did a lot of it on my own. All I can say is be good to yourself, love yourself, be strong! When your mind starts drifting back to your old life, dwelling on the good times, shut it down! Commit yourself to at least 2 years of being free. Make it about yourself. Your children if you have any. If you make it through 2 years of a healing journey, it will be easier. I promise you. Not to say that will magically be the end. No, there will still be recovery time to put in. However, by the end of 2 years, the past will be far enough in your rearview that you will be able to carry on with you and yours. The journey to a much better future will be closer than the hell you left behind. I wish you well. Happiness and respect! You are worth it. Life is too short. You can be a survivor! Peace and hugs, Lynn

"TO THE NEW WOMAN IN BILL CONNEARNEY'S LIFE"

I'm sure if you've found this blog, read it, and questioned Bill Connearney, he lied. He has his script. I'm crazy, a bitch, a liar. Ask yourself one question before you blindly take the word of a Narcissistic psychopath. Would Any sane person allow this blog to be up with such slanderous statements if they had a means to have it removed? The 100% truth is Bill Connearney whined in court to our Judge. The Judge asked me if I'd take it down for him (the judge). My words, "your honor, no! I have first amendment rights in this country. My blog is 100% the truth and it's my life story. That blog will outlive both of us." The Judge turned to Bill Connearney and said "She's right. Sorry I can't force her to take it down." Enough said re: who the liar is!

"SLEEP IN PEACE MY FRIEND"

I thought you had done all you could
To rip our world apart
Until one day in court you stood
And finished off my heart
On that day you stood and lied
Never thought you'd sink so low
All the love left in me died
When I saw how far you'd go
All the toys and all the bling
All you ever did was spend
Money has meant everything
It was your means to the end
Whatever things you hang onto
May they comfort in the end
May they hold and whisper
I love you and sleep in peace my friend
Lynn Connearney ©2012

"YOU DESERVE SO MUCH MORE"

Hello, Well my healing is well on it's way. I'm going to switch gears now and travel in a new direction. The decision to break away from toxicity will not be an easy one. However, I'm here to say, it's so worth it. I've discovered and truly realize for the 1st time in my life, that I'm strong! We have 2 choices when faced with adversity, curl up and give up or shake it off, stand, keep pushing on. There were times I did want to just give up over the past 4 years. However, I thought about my children. One grown who has given me 2 beautiful granddaughters. One I need to be reunited with one day in the future. Because of them I found a strength I never knew I possessed. As my healing goes on, I have truly come to believe; I am valuable. I have important thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and wants of my own that are just as valuable as anyone else's! I deserve to be valued. I am loving and I deserve to be loved backed. I give my whole heart. I deserve no less in return. I have my own thoughts and desires. I deserve validation and respect. Narcissists suck so much out of your life. They replace your voice, needs, thoughts, desires with; doubt, devaluation, low self esteem, misgiving, depression. Although, it can be scary to contemplate leaving them and their defectiveness behind, you gain so much in the long run. Life goes by in a blink of an eye, YOU DESERVE SO MUCH MORE! BE HAPPY AND BE WELL! Till next time...

"I HOPE YOU ARE WELL"

Dear Bill Connearney,I hope the financial wreck you've brought on yourself is even half as painful as the loss of my baby. Somehow, I doubt it. I bet you haven't realized or accepted that lying to Judge Brown and getting caught is what caused the financial backlash against you. Thank you for admitting the truth under oath re: your illegal recording. That may come in very handy in February if you continue to do the wrong thing... Be healthy. I sincerely mean that.