"THE BIGGEST LAUGH"

The other night I was looking through the matches my dating app had suggested. I came across your picture. I laughed and laughed! Out of curiosity, I looked at your profile. I found the same old tired bullshit! How sad that you haven't had any kind of wake up to reality. Good luck in your search. I really mean that. The fact is you will spend your life searching for something that simply doesn't exist. I put up with you way longer than any woman in her right mind would. Once upon a time I loved you with all I had. Then the years of being put down, called names, feeling no validation or respect from you took hold and turned me into a depressed, anxious, raging bitch. I wish you well but, the truth is, you already had the best you ever will. You had no appreciation or gratefulness. Empty people can never be filled. Not in a meaningful way! I'm so sorry for you. Good luck though. :(

"MERRY CHRISTMAS WILLIAM SEAMUS MCDONALD"

For myself, this has been a wonderful holiday season! I've got a brand new car and job. I'll be back in school soon. My future once again is hopeful, and belongs to me alone. I've healed, persevered, and survived the vile, evil things you brought to my life. I've overcome every nasty, ugly step you threw at me. Through it all I've grown, healed, discovered things about myself that are truly priceless! I'm sure you are the same old, same old. I'm so sorry for you. I hope you are content with all you wished for in life. All the damage that you wrought. May life deliver more than you wished, dreamed, yearned after. May you have all that you so rightfully deserve. Happy New Year! I survived and thrived! I already have received more than I could have ever imagined! I am so grateful and so blessed! xoxoxoxo

"THANKSGIVING AND THANKFULNESS"

I believe very strongly that Thanksgiving and thankfulness go together. It's important to be grateful for our blessings. This year was the first time since 2009 that I sincerely felt that holiday spirit. I am so blessed and so grateful for where my life is today. I went to pick up my brand new car on Black Friday. My brand new car that I obtained ON MY OWN! I smiled the whole way home. Saturday I started driving for Uber. This week I'll be taking my assessment tests. The semester starts in February. During my marriage and separation, William Seamus McDonald tried his best to crush and destroy me. He FAILED! I did slip downhill for a time. It was a struggle at times however, I can see the light! From the depths of despair to triumph! I quit smoking. I have a brand new car and job. I'm going back to school! LIFE IS AWESOME! My future is mine again! I have survived! I am so thankful!

"DEAR WILLIAM SEAMUS MCDONALD"

Dear Bill,
I would really appreciate the outstanding balance you owe me. I am starting school and I have a job waiting with Uber. I have been approved for a lease however I need $250 for the down payment as well as the $ to obtain the initial insurance in order to pick up my new Corolla. Why not close an old debt? My school grant will take time and I really hope to be back driving/working before the spring semester begins.
Sincerely,
Lynn

**To Whom it May Concern** I honestly have no expectation of ever receiving this money. I actually received a judgement long ago. Since it didn't suit Mr. William Seamus McDonald to pay this debt and since I didn't push it, I have no doubt... It will never be paid. Typical Narcissist, they pick and choose what laws they follow. I have survived and come so far, I have no doubt I will achieve my dreams. Mr. McDonald on the other hand, will still be the sorry, defective psychopath he always was and always will be. I pray for you Bill and I so deeply pity you. I hope you are enjoying your empty life.

"I AM SO GRATEFUL"

This morning I was reflecting on the upcoming holiday season. I realized how truly grateful I am towards William Seamus McDonald formally known as William Francis Connearney. I appreciate him and am so grateful for all he has given me. So without further ado.

Dear Bill, Thank you for wanting a divorce. Since our divorce and my healing journey, I have found a self confidence and self esteem higher than ever in my whole life! I am so grateful! No one puts me down or calls me filthy names. No one attacks my self confidence. I am so grateful. Where I was once chronically depressed and anxious, I am now infused with happiness and a positive attitude that has effected every aspect of my life in an upbeat way. I am so grateful! These days I only allow nontoxic people in my life. Today I understand setting clear boundaries. I am respected, valued, and loved. I am so grateful! In September of 2011 I was so broken. At the lowest point of my life, I began hanging out with the wrong people. People who used me, stole from me, and were generally going down the wrong path in life. For the first time in my life I began getting in trouble, I just simply didn't care for 2 years. Then one day, I woke up, looked around and my eyes were finally opened. I walked away from the people and the path I had detoured on. I began to embrace therapy, my 2nd chance, my freedom. I am so grateful. 4 years in and I could not be happier! My life is my own. I am trying to pay it forward. I have even once again quit smoking! Yay for me! This time I know I won't start again. Thank you Bill. For showing me how I should never be spoken to, disrespected, or abused...I am so grateful!

"IF ANYONE READING IS LIVING THIS LIFE"

Hello you. Yes, you reading this blog. I so desperately wish I could talk personally with each and every one of you. Is this your reality? Even bits and pieces? Narcissism can be and most likely is on a spectrum. Maybe all I've experienced, hasn't touched you. Or, maybe you're living with something more severe? You all matter to me. No one should have to live with abuse. We all deserve better. When I started this blog it was about healing. Taking my voice back. The Narcissist plays the perfect victim and Bill was no exception. Throughout the 2 years of our separation, he played it so well, he convinced the court to his side for awhile. Convinced the judge that I was the problem. Thank goodness in my case the truth came out in the end. Bill made 2 major mistakes. One, he got caught in 3 major lies to the judge. Two, we didn't have lawyers, so during our divorce trial, I was allowed to question him on the stand. Although he tried and tried to avoid answering my questions, after 20-25 minutes he had no choice and the truth came out. His fraud was exposed once and for all and I was granted lifetime spousal support. Of course in true Narcissistic form, "I'm a blood sucking leech." He'll never, ever admit to his lies and his role in that final judgement. That's not how they roll. A narcissist never accepts responsibility for their bad choices and bad behavior. That's okay. In the end, for me, it was about vindication in a court of law. I had moved past the need of validation or acceptance from him. I want to say something from the bottom of my heart to each and every reader, You are worthy, lovable, and you deserve respect. Leaving an abusive situation may seem scary, unthinkable, you may be afraid of being alone. You may have doubts regarding your abilities, etc... Please believe me, I had all those same doubts. I will not lie and say it was easy. Truth is, it was a bitch! There were days that were filled with sadness, doubt, and urges to just give up. However, somehow someway, I kept pushing on! I HAVE SURVIVED! I am strong! It took me 48 years to finally realize that about myself! Life has thrown it's best yet, I have survived it all. I am so happy, proud, and at peace. I AM WORTHY! I WILL NEVER ACCEPT LESS THAN I DESERVE AGAIN! I would like to invite anyone (female) interested to my community on Google+ "Finding The Happy Ever After" A safe, supportive, respectful community for females living with, leaving, or recovering from toxicity. Thank you for reading. God bless you all. I wish you peace! You deserve it.❤️❤️

"IT'S NOT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU"

Narcissists believe that everything in life revolves around them. During my marriage, Bill's wants and needs were ALWAYS top priority. How he was affected by circumstance was ALWAYS top priority. The last time I saw him was July 8,2013 I was forced to take him to court because he'd illegally stopped paying me money he'd been ordered to by the court. He'd also skipped the state without paying me the judgement from our divorce. To this day, he still owes me $1400. $500 that he stole from my auto insurance (which he cancelled against the court's orders) $900 that I was awarded by the court in back spousal support. I've long since given up on collecting. You see Narcissists live under this delusion that the law doesn't apply to them. Bill's 2 main goals that day in court were, as usual, based on his selfishness. He tried for the 4th time to get out of the lifetime Spousal Support I was awarded in our divorce. DENIED! He also tried to get the court to order me to remove this blog. "She's ruining my life your honor" Thanks to my wonderful 1st amendment rights, also DENIED! You see Narcissists of the world, it's not always about you! Go ahead and live under your false sense of selves. The truth is: Everyone matters! We all have wants and needs that, surprise, surprise are just as important as yours are. The real world sees it that way! Not the abusive, inflated sense of self bullshit cloud that you live under. The world that matters, where all the normal humans reside. So William Seamus McDonald shove your cocky, inflated, narcissistic, evil, asshole attitude UP YOUR ASS! Don't ever underestimate the power of the truth! Oh sorry, you wouldn't know the truth if it bit you on the ass. Enjoy your screwed up delusions and your inflated ego! I'm just fine! In the real world! :-)

"HAPPY 51ST BIRTHDAY WILLIAM SEAMUS MCDONALD formally known as WILLIAM FRANCIS CONNEARNEY"

Well 4 birthdays now that we've spent alone. No big deal! Lord knows, that even though mine is only 6 days after you, not once did you ever remember mine! Anyways, I'd like to take this occasion to thank you. Four years ago on 9/15/2011 when we split for the final time, I thought my life was over. I'd lost Ahmi my heart and soul and you. I thought I'd hit the bottom. Little did I know, you were just getting started. Trying to kill me in May of 2011 was just the beginning for you. Starting that September and continuing throughout the 2 years of our separation, you gave it your all in trying to destroy me. You pulled out every filthy thing you could trying to crush me! As I look back on the last 4 years, I'm proud, grateful, and so blessed! Despite your greatest efforts, I've survived, thrived, regained who I once was! Alone I walked through the fires of your hell AND CAME OUT STRONG! I survived abuse, lies, loneliness, anger, fear, pain, devastating sorrow, devaluation and hatred. I emerged a strong, loving, and compassionate survivor! That feeling is PRICELESS! I'm sure that you are exactly as you were. As you'll always be. How sad is that? Thank you for the gifts you've given me. Because you trying your best to destroy me...Turned out to be the greatest gift you ever gave me! Happy Birthday William Seamus McDonald formally William Francis Connearney!

"MY HEALING JOURNEY"

As each day passes, I am more grateful and more proud. I look back on what I've endured. What I've overcome. What I've learned along the way. I accept and own my mistakes and my choices. I forgive myself for putting up with abusive behavior. For accepting that which should never be accepted by ANYONE! With every test and challenge I've faced and overcome since 9-15-2011, I've come to realize I am strong! Stronger than I ever realized or gave myself credit for. That is empowering!

"That which does not kill us, makes us Stronger.-Friedrich Nietzsche"

So very, very true! More than a few times, since I survived William Connearney's aka William Seamus McDonald's attempt to crush my windpipe with his thumbs in May 2011, I've questioned how, why? I'm so very grateful to be alive. However, I don't truly know how it happened! I couldn't get his hands off my neck that morning. I'd given up, accepted my impending death, and began to say goodbye to loved ones in my head. When the blackness began to invade my brain some hidden strength came from within, and with one last effort, I was able to breathe! Recently, I've found my purpose and in doing so, have answered my own questions. This blog was the first step in taking my voice back and towards healing. Starting a supportive community for others leaving, living, recovering from toxicity is my final step. If I can inspire, support, encourage one person to seek a happier, healthier future for themselves, I'm good with that! These days, I know my strengths and my weaknesses. I can and will set firm boundaries. I will NEVER allow any kind of abuse in my life AGAIN! I don't know what my future will hold however, I know 100% it will hold better than what I allowed in my past. Although, I'm not ready/looking for a relationship any time soon, If and when it happens, I know it will be RIGHT for me!

"WILLIAM SEAMUS MCDONALD"

On June 9th William Francis Connearney became William Seamus McDonald! I have just 2 questions: Does an innocent man change his name after 50 years to escape lies? Or does he do all he can legally to have said lies/slander removed?

"DEAR BILL CONNEARNEY"

I've recently been made aware that my blog has had an effect on your life? That you've lost a girlfriend or 2? Want me to cry for you? Nope sorry! I'm glad that the truth has protected other innocent women from the cesspool that surrounds you. If my telling the truth helps one woman avoid the bullshit you will bring to her life, Glory Be! You're problem is you always acted like I was stupid. That my brain was inferior to yours. How wrong you were! Changing your online identity? How desperate is that? Your super ego apparently doesn't get that sooner or later, your true name will come up and it makes it look a lot worse in the long run. After all, clean, honest people have nothing to hide from! Unless you find some brain dead female, this blog will continue to be here. Waiting to expose you for what you are. An abusive, lying, Narcissist! I'm so stupid and inferior huh? Who's laughing now? Enjoy life, be well, keep those court ordered checks coming! Thanks for continually lying to Judge Brown. Justice is SO SWEET!

"VALIDATION"

Well the 4th of last month was the 2nd anniversary of the divorce. March 15th marks 3.5 years since our final split. The paper of fraud expired last Thursday. At long last, that lie is off me! All the times Bill Connearney told ME I was evil?! I now know that was the Narcissist projecting his own self onto me! When we first split it was very tough. I was obsessed with the need of hearing him finally taking responsibility and apologizing for the evil things he’d done. I fantasized that he’d come to me, admit how wrong he’d been, apologize and I’d tell him to go straight to hell. One day my therepist asked me, “what do you need in order to close the door and move on?” I had my standard answer, I needed Bill to own his responsibility and apologize. Then that wise man would ask, “what if that never happens, then what? How can Lynn be okay?”

It took a little more work yet, eventually I was able to let it go. All those years of his evil words, my self doubt and guilt, gone. I finally realized that all of the put downs, manipulations, selfishness, minimizing, those are the traits of the Narcissist! That is the core of who Bill Connearney is.That’s who HE is. Honestly, I can yell, I'm very passionate. Especially when I feel attacked or when I feel ignored, not heard. However, when I’m validated, heard, and respected, that trait is non existent. So many years of thinking I was communicating wrong. I thought there was something wrong with me. That if I could just find the right words, he’d finally listen, hear me, and understand. There would be no more built up stress and anger inside of me. I finally came to understand that was total bullshit! Narcissists know how to play the game of projection, manipulation, and victim!

I finally was able to accept that it NEVER mattered! Because he NEVER cared! I NEVER had a chance. I’ve learned since those days, I have great communication skills. I know how to listen and hear others! Narcissists could care less what you have to say because in their eyes, your wants, needs, and feelings mean nothing to them. Back in the early years of our marriage, he’d get upset and blow up about something. He wouldn’t talk to me for 2-4 days. I didn’t realize back then that’s passive aggressive behavior and it’s abusive. It was horrible walking around on eggshells. Many times I’d take Chris and go spend the night at a friends. The quiet was unbearably lonely. I fled that silence many times. Then he’d get over whatever his issue was and finally speak to me. However, one stipulation, there was no discussion, If I tried to discuss my thoughts, feelings, point of view, he shut me down. “I’m over that, forget about it I have.” 20+ years of no validation, respect, empathy, etc... No wonder my closet finally exploded and I turned into a raging bitch!

These days I know how to set firm boundaries. No one tells me my feelings are wrong. No one calls me filthy names or tries to brainwash me. No one puts their hands on me in anger. I don’t need anyone’s validation. I’m worthy, smart, honest, loyal, and I will accept nothing but, the same in return. Life isn’t always easy. sometimes it’s a freaking bitch, I’m so much better than I was. NEVER again will I be a doormat! GUESS WHAT BILL CONNEARNEY? YOU WERE WRONG! IT WASN’T ME, IT WAS YOU! I NO LONGER NEED YOU TO VALIDATE THAT. I KNOW IT’S TRUE. I’M GOOD WITH THAT! Stay healthy and well. I may love again, I will NEVER remarry! You did so many evil things to me. Trying your best to crush me. Even tried to kill me. I survived! I’ll NEVER let you off the hook! Pay back can be a bitch! Take that to your grave! It’s payback for all the evil, underhanded tricks and lies that you threw at me from Sept 2011 until Aug of 2013. How’s it working for you? I know every payday you get a little knife twist in your gut. Good! You reap what you sow baby!

"THIS IS THE REALITY"

People who've never lived with abuse have a hard time understanding why someone would stay. They think they have all the answers. "I'd just leave. I wouldn't put up with that. Etc..." Until they've walked a mile in someone else's reality, they'd do better to hold their tongue. Victims stay for a variety of reasons: fear of retaliation, the unknown, being alone. They may think the situation is the best there's going to be. They may believe they deserve it. They may be embarassed to admit to family and friends that their personal lives are hell. They may not have the resources and support system needed to leave. It may be a combination of any and all of the above. The important thing is, don't ever blame the victim! When and if they find the strength and courage to make that step, be supportive. If it's you living through this hell, when you find your strength, God bless you! I pray that someone is there for you as support and that you can lean on them. It's not easy. I did a lot of it on my own. All I can say is be good to yourself, love yourself, be strong! When your mind starts drifting back to your old life, dwelling on the good times, shut it down! Commit yourself to at least 2 years of being free. Make it about yourself. Your children if you have any. If you make it through 2 years of a healing journey, it will be easier. I promise you. Not to say that will magically be the end. No, there will still be recovery time to put in. However, by the end of 2 years, the past will be far enough in your rearview that you will be able to carry on with you and yours. The journey to a much better future will be closer than the hell you left behind. I wish you well. Happiness and respect! You are worth it. Life is too short. You can be a survivor! Peace and hugs, Lynn